write it down.

before I doze off for a nap...

2012-01-30T17:48:00.000-08:00

hello, good morning.
today is officially the first day of Semester 2 for me. Class starts at eight, but the lecturer didn't even show up so the whole class headed back home. Though I have another class this afternoon at two, that doesn't stop me from getting a decent nap. Which I desperately need.

there's a lot to be done in this year.
a lot of goals to accomplish, a lot of things to learn, and a lot of experience to look forward to.
I can't just deny the fact that every day, I worry about the future. I shouldn't, but I can't help it.
Wonders go through my mind in an abrupt cycle, and I am filled with doubts and worry almost all the time. Even if I try to ignore it during the day, when the nightfall arrives - it's undeniable existence breathes down my neck.

so many plans, so many things to do.

but worry not, I think I have just enough time to go with it all.
wish me luck.
and all the best to you dear readers, for your personal endeavors.

"the future is a scary place. but there lies the hopes and dreams you've had all along."

and now I must rest for a couple hours before lunch.
ciao.

hi

2012-01-16T20:36:00.000-08:00

hello there, it's been a while.
here we are, in the 17th day of the year 2012.
and things have been going great.
there's so much I want to do this year, I'm gonna have to start making a list - although I hate lists, they chuck up the best of you at times, but actually gives you what you need. oh, the dilemma.
I think one of the best things about this year is that I've started it with reading quite plenty. I'm in love with literature all over again, when I've almost forgotten what was it like to be a part of that magnificent world full of magic.
there's nothing like it on Earth, God bless those imaginative writers.
last night, I finished "The Help", thinking of doing a book review, but then I thought I probably won't succeed in telling you how good it really was.
so let me just tell you briefly.
the book was inspirational and loud. it was a voice that was long gone, and now heard. even though we're living in the 21st century, we still need some revelations from time to time. this book, is definitely one of them.
I had a lot of fun reading it, every part of it was simply told in the most humble way, I was almost surprised at how thick the book actually was.
I also didn't realize I would enjoy it that much, but turns out I did.
and I also think that the main characters' casting for the film adaptation is beyond perfect, I think it was just right. I'm probably going to watch the movie tonight, too.

in the last few weeks, I have been wondering what I want to be.
I've always known I want to write, but I have got to pick out a profession for my career.
I want so badly to write for TV, but journalism strikes me as fascinating.
to speak out and chase the truth? isn't that what I've been holding on to for almost all my life, now?
I think the truth is rare, there's too much conspiracies in this world and sadly, we speculate at a limit that's considerably dumb.
I suppose that I could put a difference to that matter, and I think journalism might just be the righteous path.
I do hope I get to a good school by this fall, I'm counting on it :)

things have been quite pleasant, there have been a lot of thoughts in my mind lately, I'm not even gonna lie. this is the first personal post I've had in a while, and it feels good to be writing things down.

I'll probably have more time in the days to come to blog, if not, I'm just gonna have a quick retirement until February.
until then...

one of my lovely inspirations for the first of January.

2012-01-01T08:27:00.000-08:00

I keep forgetting how amazing it is to be inspired. thankfully, I am always reminded.
and how your most wonderful inspiration comes from the ones you love.
well, dear friend… today I've realized something beautiful.
that you have inspired me in a way that I feel I would cherish for a very long time.
in fact, I realized this only moments ago - believe it or not.
I'm not sure how to explain this, though. but let me give it a try.
first of all, I just think you're one of the sweetest, most sincere person I've ever known.
and it's so easy for me to be your friend, it's even easier for me to be happy for your triumphs in life.
and from experience, being happy for other people isn't as easy as one would think.

so here goes,
you made me realize…

that when you love someone,
you love them, for who they really are.
everyone of us wants perfection, but it's not always what we get,
and we live with what's been given for us,
and we take it all step by step,
with gratitude in every moment,
not taking anything or anyone for granted,
it's easy to spit it all out in theory,
I imagine it's much more difficult to be doing all of it in reality.
you inspire me, more than I could put into words,
I wish I could tell you what's on my mind, but I can't find the right words - and even if I do, I don't think they would be enough, you know?
you escalate my faith in love,
you're a real-life example that we have got what it takes to be in love, to be in a real relationship - and all that fairytale stories isn't bullshit.
we just have to find the right people at the right time.
it's not easy, but it's there for each and everyone of us,
and if we are just willing enough, and brave enough to take our chances - we have a chance to be happy, to be loved and to love.
and we might just get our happy ending.
honestly, dear - we don't know where we'll end up, who we'll end up with, and how is it going to work out from here onwards.
but the most important thing is to have faith and to live up to that faith - and that's two different things.
I realized that most people have faith and not the courage to live up to it.
I'm not sure if I've explained it well enough but there you go.

so I suppose that's why you'll always be in need of a friend. and there's no such thing as too much friends, or too little. they are always in the right amount, if you know how to be thankful enough for them being in your life, inspiring you in their own little ways as well as being there when you need them. and when you're lucky enough, you'll find those people who are more lovely than you could ever imagine, who's got a place in your heart and in your life - and hopefully they will always be a dear friend to you, and you to them - for as long as time exists.

I'm just so very grateful to have someone like you in my life, and I am more than proud to call you a friend.

with love, S

happy happy happy new year!

2012-01-01T08:21:00.000-08:00

happy new year 2012!
thank you for the wonderful, bittersweet and remarkable 2011.
hello to brilliant 2012, looking forward to having an amazing 366 days. :)

and hello to you, my dear friends.
hopefully you have had a good celebration, are you ready for the year to come?
I have had an amazing time last night with my family, there were fireworks everywhere all through the night and it was beautiful.
it really felt like it's going to be a great year, you know?
I hope you are as wishful as I am, but remember to be thoughtful as well.
cheers~

love, S

2011.

2011-12-30T10:43:00.000-08:00

it's 1.35am on a New Year's Eve.
well, hello.
what are you doing up?
or perhaps it's days later and this post is just another post to you?
I don't know how on Earth am I going to review the year 2011, but I'm going to start, not knowing how I'll be ending it.

2011... has been a year of changes.
there has been quite a number of them coloring up the 365 days I have to this specific digit.
I feel like it's been a good year as well.
I've met some amazing people, indulge myself in the most wonderful experiences and also took a step into the world I have been dreaming of.
the ride is not always pleasant, but it's been joyful and quite unforgettable.
I feel like I've learned a lot as well.
People around me are constantly sparking my life with inspirations and I am often surprised by their unexpected behaviors and unseen characters - this brought me new perspectives in life.
I open my eyes every day, seeing things from a new angle --- and I cherish every moment of it.
it's also been a year filled with gratitude.
I realized my place in this world, far more than I ever did,
I realized how important are my loved ones, and how they are simply irreplaceable by default.
things have been happening all throughout this year also.
friends come and go, people stay, people enter - everything revolves in constant motion, never stationary.

I'd like to think this year has been filled with a whole lot of love, too.

I hope 2011 has treat you well.
and if it hasn't, worry not - it's just not your year... yet.
and to all, I wish you a Happy New Year.
May the years to come be great years ahead and let us all hope and strive for the greatest things of all.
all the love in the world, for all of you beautiful people out there.
goodnight.
and Happy New Year.

I enjoyed this cover of "What Are You Doing New Year's Eve" by Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt, I hope you guys will too.
:)

The Dark Knight Rises.

2011-12-29T20:07:00.000-08:00

can't wait for this awesome hit.
seriously, Christopher Nolan is a genius and I can't bear how brilliant he is.
I watched the trailer over and over again, it gets me more excited every time!
and Anne Hathaway looks bedazzling as CatWoman.
Don't forget that there's Joseph Gordon-Levitt in this freaking movie!
ADDS ON TO THE CHARMS.

25 December 2011. not quite, though.

2011-12-25T08:19:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas.
I don't know what it is about Christmas, but it certainly brings joy into your heart and the people around you.
It's that jolly time of the year where everything is in such festivities, where the lights gleam and glow like no other, and the Christmas Carols are all you wish to hear for quite some time.
It's that time when you feel like you're a part of something huge and magic, a part of something beautiful and fascinating.
It's that time when you wait for Santa Claus, apparently.
hello to you, and Merry Merry Christmas, my love.
it doesn't matter if you're not Christian, I'd like to think that Christmas is much more than a religious celebration. It's an indescribable event that bring people from across the globe together.
It's a happy day for us all.
It's a day we can all celebrate, despite of our differences.
hope you have had a wonderful Christmas with your loved ones.
once again, Merry Christmas.
now that New Year's right around the corner, are you ready with your 2012 resolutions?
what are you grateful for this year?
:)

P.S : I've always wanted to spend Christmas in New York and see the Christmas Tree in front of 30 Rock for myself. ONE DAY! :)

a rush of thoughts, all of a sudden.

2011-12-24T05:45:00.000-08:00

it's weird how people could affect you so much.
it's fascinating how amazing some people can be.
it's demeaning how unbelievable the others are.

as you grow, the more people you know, the more experience you get,
the more differently you perceive the rest of the world.
the things you once thought would never, ever change...
the things you thought would stay that way forever...
they change, eventually.
and before you realize it,
you're a part of the change too.

you thought you'd be the kind of person who will never do a thing, and then you blink and here you are doing exactly that.
it's breathtaking, how much change we have to go through in one lifetime,
it's exhausting, how sometimes we think too much about the things that don't even matter,
it's enchanting, to be living such a wondrous and unexpected life...

looking back, I realized that I absolutely have had no idea about my life whatsoever.
and I still don't.
many things have occurred this past few years,
friends come and go,
experiences become a part of me,
opportunities knocking on the door,
finding what I wasn't looking for,
meeting new people,
and the list continues...

it's true we don't know what lies before us,
but it's human nature to be thinking that we do - even unconsciously.
it's such a mystery, this little huge thing called life,
what is most important is to live it, to live it, to live it.
to not look back.
to keep on going.
to dream on and on and on.
to never stop believing.
to learn from our mistakes.
to do what we want to do.
to live, to live, to live.

it seems so simple, to live.
we do have a life, and it's only right to live it.
but to live is harder than it seems,harder than it sounds.

I refuse to only exist.
I want to leave my mark on this world.
I want to be remembered.
I want to be remembered as someone good, someone great.
I want to be happy.
I want to make people happy.
and the list still continues...

it's important to begin,
and don't worry when the end has come to greet you,
for you are living a world where things end and things begin,
it is a never-ending cycle,
and your life is short, but it's worth all the while,
and never mind how contradicting this may sound - you do have all the time in the world.

in this life.

2011-12-19T08:47:00.000-08:00

you're walking along a path that will lead you to a place you've never seen before,
what are the odds of it all?
you have faith you're in the right path,
there will be doubts,
there will be pain,
but there will be joy and laughters,
there will be expectations and disappointments,
but there will be happiness and gratitude,
there is no way of telling you what you would get from this road ahead,
but I bet there will be beauty, infinite as it is, more than you could imagine,
and at times, when you close your eyes, you could still see the light, it's the radiant sun glowing across the wondrous blue sky,
you stood on top of a hill, staring down at the view before you,
a glimpse of the sunset,
the birds chirping,
the sound of waves hitting the coast,
the strumming guitar from a musician's hand,
the children running,
the parents shouting,
the cold, fresh water in the middle of a heated summer,
the warmth of a hug in the middle of a cold winter,
and all the good and bad things,
they all become one,
sometimes they come when you least expect them,
things happen, they bring you down and lift you up,
you find dreams, and sometimes you lose them,
reality hits, and you find yourself a little lost,
you find that the world isn't such a beautiful place after all,
but that will all change,
for nothing's ever really permanent in this world,
and if you have it in your heart to appreciate the beauty and be grateful for being here,
you will find what you are looking for,
and you shall live a full life,
if you have the courage to pursue your dreams,
never give up,
believe in yourself,
do what you feel like doing,
be kind,
forgive,
have some fun,
to love, to live and to laugh,
no regrets my darling,
this is your time.
use it well.

I was inspired and wrote this down...

2011-12-19T08:15:00.000-08:00

never, ever, ever give up. no matter what happens, keep holding on. there was a reason why you started in the first place, if that reason was good enough back then - why should it be any different now?

an unpopular definition of love that goes on for quite some time.

2011-12-19T08:12:00.000-08:00

a few nights ago, I was having this long talk with Vivi on BBM, like any other night and we started talking about love.
It's been a while since I've confessed anything about my perspectives on love or my love life, so here goes some tiny bits and pieces.

if I have ever written something like this before, pardon me for my repetition - it just happens to be something I do a lot you know, repeatedly talking about the same thing over and over again. my friends would agree with me on that.

ANYWAY.

so, love.
where shall I begin?
I'd like to think that when I say I love someone, I really do mean it.
I think that's important. I have seen love being said endlessly, but without actually meaning it.
And that's sad. For no one can really live without love.
Sooner or later, everyone will realize how empty life can be without love.
How loneliness fill them with despair, slowly killing them inside. The crazy part would be that this could all be happening without the realization of one. How sad is that?
What is love?
I can't tell you. It isn't fair, for love is different for everyone.
If you think it's love, then it's love. Be grateful for what you have.

For me, love is an endless journey that takes you to places you've never imagined before.
Love can change you and love is more than what it seems.
The most important thing, in my opinion - is that love isn't much of anything else or anyone else but that one person.
That one person who makes you feel like you're alive.
Who takes your breath away and makes your heartbeat accelerate.
The one person who showed you the world,
and whose happiness is as or far more important than your own,

are you thinking of someone right now?
if you are, lucky you.
if it's more than one person, you are truly blessed.
to love somebody, it's not always a boyfriend/girlfriend thing.
it could be a friend, a family member, a colleague, perhaps a stranger?
it's your love, it's your story. no judgements.

am I making any sense?
I don't think so.
this is how it usually goes.
I ramble nonsense for a while,
ending up writing absolute bull that no one would understand.
my apologies.

well if you've got a life to live,
might as well live it to love,

an act of kindness a day.

2011-12-19T07:46:00.000-08:00

Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you.

Princess Diana

since quite some time ago, I have been in love with this quote by Princess Diana.

one of the great things about life is our infinite ability to do whatever we want to do, including carrying out any act of kindness.

don't worry about who's going to benefit your act of kindness, at the end of the day - it will give you a sense of fulfillment and you might actually contribute to making someone's day more worthwhile.

it doesn't even have to be anything big or significant, it could be something so small and random.

perhaps smiling to a perfect stranger or giving them a helping hand that will require you only seconds...

that's what's so great about humanity, we all have a heart that is both profound and giving, if only we find the decency to share that with the rest of the world... that's a step in making this world a better place, isn't it?

this video is a fascinating video that promotes the following tagline ;
"because kindness keeps the world afloat"

and you know what, that's so true.
so what are you waiting for?
truth is, kindness unravels the beauty in people, and isn't that what you should aim for?

have a great week everyone, and for those of you who are already on their holidays, Happy Holidays to you :)
be kind, for you may bring about a change far greater than any of us.

love, Sheany

P.S :

if you are interested in "Life Vest Inside",
like their video on youtube ;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwAYpLVyeFU
like their page on facebook ;
http://www.facebook.com/lifevestinside?sk=wall
and visit their official website ;
http://www.lifevestinside.com

walking through the mist.

2011-12-17T06:15:00.000-08:00

how do I begin?
I guess it's just one of those nights when I am completely, utterly out of my mind.
I am currently in Genting Highlands, spending the weekend with my mother.
I was just about to go back to my room about half an hour ago, but I took a short detour and headed out instead. What's so interesting about that?
Well, if you didn't read it before let me refresh your memory ; HIGHLANDS.
It was so cold outside, and the mist is practically blocking anyone's sight.
It was wet, as well. And the wind is blowing like crazzeeehhh.
I wasn't wearing anything warm, too. Just a thin sweater and also a short outerwear, and a cotton pants.
But there I was, walking and walking towards the emptier side of this place.
In the mist. Before I know it, I started running too. Just for a little bit, but it felt amazing.
I was damn right sure I could be getting hypothermia just now.
Or maybe I'm just not so sure what causes hypothermia...

It's been a while since I did anything like that.
And it felt rather amazing. It might be such a simple thing to many people, but it was extremely rewarding for me.
The cold was tickling the pores on my skin.
The steps I took were ordinary but they felt different at the same time.
The mist was the best of all. My hair got a little wet, and not getting to see everything so clear and yet still walking towards that path made me feel alive, even only for a little bit.
And the running.

I could go on and on about this, but I just wanna tell y'all out there.
If you feel like doing something, do it.
Do it right now, when you can.
It might not be ideal, people may not get it and think you're insane,
but if you feel like doing it, then why the hell not?
I have no idea why I did it,
but it felt good because I just went right outside and didn't give it a second thought.
I'm just terrified of catching a cold and also hypothermia that I went back inside after I got a bit far. I do have exams in a couple of days, you know.
the simple things.
oh how I adore them.
I'm embracing them as well.
you should do, too.

because you know what...
I'd like to do things no other people ever thought of doing.
so why not start now instead of later or never?

don't ever give up on the ones you love.

2011-12-16T17:58:00.000-08:00

I just realize how extremely important this is.
and also how difficult it is to do.
if they say, love gives you strength you didn't even know you have,
I would say love also gives challenges you never know you would face,
I am arguable, at any point.

but I also realized that there is no such thing as "hopeless". everything is possible. everything, everyone - is hopeful.
we are relying on hope to live each day, aren't we?
so how the heck did I come with a conclusion that someone can be so hopeless and helpless?
how could I have placed myself in the position as the one who aren't meant to mend her?
perhaps even if I wasn't the one who's going to change this person for the better, I could at least stay close to her as a friend, couldn't I?
whoa, getting a little ahead of myself there.
yes, I'm finally sharing stories.
this is a story about a dear friend of mine, who I lost along the way.
not because I can't help it, but because I - more or less, stopped believing in her.
and how sad is that?
she was one of the few people I really trust, and she is not an easy person ( let me tell you ), but then again I'm not easy either.
this is a problem I think I've experienced for some time,
I keep finding the worst in people and make the choices on my own whether I would carry on with those unbelievable characters or leave it be.
I need to remind myself that I am no God, and these choices I keep on making are absurd and absolutely ridiculous.
I wouldn't want anyone to give up on me, would I?
and yet I keep giving up on people.
strike two. one year.
I can honestly tell you that I am just the worst possible human being on Earth sometimes.
and I could be an idiot, too.
no, I'm not pitying up on myself - I'm just trying to state a fact here.

and yes, I do regret.
that's the worst part.
and the fact that I'm a normal human being doesn't help either.
I just hope that the choices I've made, will make - they will all be good ones that will lead me to a good place. and benefit the ones who are involved as well.
I don't think I'd mind me hurting, I just can't stand other people's pain.
especially my loved ones.
but sometimes it's so easy to hurt the ones you love...

anyway...

here's what I am trying to tell each and everyone of you,
first of all, everyone isn't as good as they pretend to be. they have their faults and flaws, and that's good - it makes them human.
the worst part would be when they crossed the line, when they get to your nerve, when they annoy the hell out of you 'till you can't stand it anymore,
but does it mean you should give up on them? NO.
cause you don't know, you might be the one person leading them to be a better person.
or if you're not the one, you can still try, can't you?
if you really care about someone, you'd do it.
if you don't, then you don't.
it's as simple as that.
before you say you love someone and then ended up giving up on them, you might want to do a recheck there.
I know we all have enough of our own problems to deal with,
but what's dear to you shall never be a burden,
they shall be challenges that you will conquer,
the ones you'll look back to and say, "oh I was there, it wasn't good. but I am here now."
if you have believed in them in the first place,
then don't ever, ever stop.

let's get married.

2011-12-14T00:36:00.001-08:00

I don't know why but lately I have been indulging myself in wedding-related speeches. I have been watching The Office, where they have the ever-amazing Jim Halpert and his spouse, Pam Beesley. Can I just honestly say that they have one of the most wonderful relationship on TV? I love how they have these random conversations that is sweet because it's their own and no one else would really get it ( perhaps besides the audience, cause I totally get it ).
plus, their wedding is fantastic. if you haven't watch it, please go and do so, cause I consider those two back to back episodes to be one of the best EVER, period.
alright, maybe that was an exaggeration, it's definitely one of the sweetest though :)
and for some rather odd reasons I've also been watching FRIENDS videos on youtube, highlighting on one of the best episode ever, the one where Chandler proposes to Monica. he's got some fine proposal speech there, mate.
and then there's the ever amazing Harry from "When Harry Met Sally" with his freaking words that I couldn't forget. I just couldn't. Because it's so true. I'm not going to blab any more.

and so let's get started, shall we?
if you watched these episodes, or read anything below and don't feel like getting married, maybe there's something wrong with you or you're just incredibly... well, whatever.

"Four years ago, I was just a guy who had a crush on a girl who had a boyfriend and I had to do the hardest thing I ever had to do, which was just to wait. Don't get me wrong, I flirted with her. Pam, I can now admit in front of friends and family that I DO know how to make a photocopy. I didn't need your help that many times. For a really long time, that's all I had. Little moments with a girl who saw me as a friend. And a lot of people told me that I was crazy to wait this long for a date with a girl who I worked with, but I think even then I knew, I was waiting for my wife."
Jim Halpert's Wedding Speech ( The Office Season 6)

"The boat was actually plan C. The Church was plan B…and plan A was marrying her a long, long time ago. Pretty much the day I met her."
Jim Halpert, after the wedding ceremony ( The Office Season 6 )

"I love that you get cold when it is 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle in your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."

Harry, When Harry Met Sally

“You erased me from your memories because you thought you were holding me back from having a full and happy life. But you made a mistake. Being with you is the only way I could have a full and happy life. You’re the girl of my dreams… and apparently, I’m the man of yours.”

Henry, 50 First Dates (2004)

“It was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were supposed to be together … and I knew it. I knew it the very first time I touched her. It was like coming home. .. only to no home I’d ever known … I was just taking her hand to help her out of a car and I knew. It was like … magic.”

Sam, Sleepless in Seattle

"Then I realized, that the only thing that matters is that you, you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. And if you'll let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way."

Chandler Bing, when proposing to Monica Geller in FRIENDS

"Love is, above all, the gift to oneself." Jean Anouilh

Our Deepest Fear

2011-12-13T10:12:00.001-08:00

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We were all meant to shine, as children do.
It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

By Marianne Williamson

hi.

2011-12-13T10:11:00.000-08:00

apologies for the lack of post,
and yet lately, although inspiration are rushing in and experiences become a part of me - I failed to somehow put them into words.
plus, exams are right around the corner, so I might be MIA for the next ten days. hopefully not, I really need to start writing more.

I have many things lined up for the holidays, and I do hope I can carry on with them all. :)
personally, there have been quite a number of things circling my mind lately. things I'd very much like to understand, things I haven't understood completely ( quite obviously ).

so yeah there you go.
good luck for FICM July 2011 for the Finals!
may we all finish this semester with flying colors.

as for the rest of you, good luck on your endeavors,
happy holidays.
goodnight.

right after a HIMYM catch-up marathon...

2011-12-09T20:37:00.001-08:00

that was such a mind-blowing episode.
I cannot get over it already.
just had a How I Met Your Mother catch-up marathon.
brilliant.
Season 7 is just catching up to be quite great, just like the previous seasons.
you can't help but love Ted, Marshall, Robin, Lily and Barney - it's just impossible not to love these five people.

I'm not going to spoil the fascinating episodes for you all who haven't watch, but let me just point out that there are definitely some twists there, things you wouldn't expect but then again when it happened it felt right. then there's a sad turnout which burns my eyes, and I'm hearing that there won't be new episodes until January - I'm so bumped out about this :/

I realized that we've all still got such a long way to go.
Like, seriously.
I'm here, freshly eighteen years old - practically thinking I've got the world in my hands.
Of course, I've always known in the back of my mind that I don't, but at least that's how I perceive it at the very least.
Truth is, there are bigger things ahead.
Things I can't even imagine yet.
There are friends I haven't meet, experiences I haven't experience yet, truths I have yet to seek.
It's a scary world out there, and yet I am hell excited to be a part of it.
I love the fact that there are shows such as HIMYM on TV, where they highlight people ( yes, they're fictional - but they might as well be real, it's not impossible you know ) with different characteristics, going through different things in life, having friends in life, having fun with life, and living their lives with what they've got, and looking for what they are looking for, trying to achieve their dreams. It's all there, you know.
And it's good to know that there is just so much love in the world.
The 12th episode of the 7th season was definitely a touching one, I'd tell you that.
I am just amazed by what a good friend Ted Mosby is, and I do hope with all my heart that I would be such a friend to a dear one one day, and perhaps even have one of my own in the future. Or maybe I already am one now, and I do have one now? Who am I to know?

I love it when I read or watch something and it makes me think.

Toodles!

I love HIMYM!

Sir Nicholas Winton.

2011-12-08T07:39:00.001-08:00

In 1938, Nicholas Winton helped 669 Jewish kids escape certain death from the Nazis. He never told anyone that he did this.

While on ski trip in Switzerland, Winton took a detour in Czechoslovakia to help the children of refugees. Nazi Germany had recently annexed a large part of Czechoslovakia and the news of Kristallnacht, a violent attack on Jews in Germany and Austria, had just reached Prague.

Winton set up a rescue operation for the children, filling out the required paperwork for them to be sent to homes in Sweden and Great Britain. He had to raise money to fund foster homes for all of them, and then he sent 669 children away from Czechoslovakia on trains before the Nazis closed down the borders.

Winton told no one that he did this, not even his wife. In 1988, his wife found a scrapbook full of pictures of the children and letters from parents in their attic. She arranged to have Winton's story appear in newspapers.

Many of the children Winton saved went on the BBC television program, That's Life, to meet him for the first time since the war. They refer to themselves as "Winton's children".

Winton is now 101 years old and has received awards from Israel and the Czech Republic as well as Knighthood from the Queen of England in 1993.

oh wow. that's life, isn't it? and it's so wonderfully beautiful.

making mistakes.

2011-12-07T06:19:00.001-08:00

don't let your mistakes be an anchor that brings you down. rather, let them be the push that keeps you moving forward.

admit it,
we are all afraid of making mistakes.
let it be big or small, there's just an infinite amount of unsettling guilt that comes with making mistakes, right?

although I know that there are times when mistakes can be avoided or even prevented...
making some mistakes in life isn't so bad, you know.

in fact, make loads of them.
how do you know you've done enough if no mistakes have been made?
when you've done something wrong and learn from it,
it's not that bad at all, my dear.
without mistakes, we will never be a better person,
you know the saying "experience is your best teacher"?
well I think that exact saying goes into context here.
what you have experience for yourself, it includes all the mistakes you have made - they are all the things that are going to shape you up into the person you'll become.
if you want to achieve your dreams, there will always be obstacles on the way.
mistakes will be made - no doubt,
but it shouldn't stop you from going further,
exactly like what's been said above,
mistakes will only be mistakes, unless you choose to learn from them.
at the end of the day, you still need to look back into yourself, to the things you did,
it's okay to make mistakes.
it's okay to fall, as long as you get back up immediately.
there is nothing wrong with you,
circumstances differ for anyone,
your mistakes don't define you,
they only represent a midget part of this thing called life,
and you should go beyond your mistakes,
and see that there's a beautiful world out there, waiting for you to color their horizons with your experiments and perhaps, your mistakes.

be free.
live your life without fear.

insecurities.

2011-12-07T06:08:00.001-08:00

so I was browsing through tumblr last night, when I come across this post.
I would like to point out how this post actually has 33,905notes - which is A LOT, and how this whole thing is just blatantly stupid and sad.

I don't blame anyone for feeling insecure.
We all have our insecurities, and sometimes we can't help but drown ourselves in it.
Of course, what we need to do is to grow from those insecurities and be much better than it.
Whether we realize it or not, we are all much too exposed to the so-called perfection that we grow up thinking that who we are right here, right now is not enough.

but it's just unrealistic to be wanting to wake up looking like angels.
so what if you wake up looking like you just got out of war? is there something wrong with that? no. you might look like hell, but at least you had a good night sleep.
who says those girls who wake up looking like angels had a good night sleep?
who says that they don't have anything to deal with for the rest of the day?
are they happy? there's nothing you can conclude from that, is there?

so what if you look half retarded when your picture is taken? I know all my IDs look like as if I'm the most wanted criminal, or I was hungover or something. but it doesn't make us less of a person, may be we don't look as good as those photogenic people, but then again those are just pictures, my dear.
you should see how unattractive some of them actually are in real life.

the most important thing is to be comfortable in your own skin.
confidence radiates, you have got to remember that.
some people aren't even that good looking, and they don't have that fabulous of a style, but they are confident. they believe they are pretty. every step they took, they take it with confidence - and you can see that in an instant, even if they are perfect strangers - it makes them look beautiful.

the thing about insecurities...
you think too much about the things you don't have, instead of making full use of the things you do have.
look deep within yourself and see that you are not as bad as you think.
if you let your insecurities get to you, you will forever be that way.
it won't be easier, it will be harder.
people out there will keep on making you feel more and more insecure, not in purpose - sometimes it just happens.
but it doesn't mean that you're not as good as you actually are.

grow out of your insecurities.
be comfortable being who you are.
'cause you're precious.
just the way you are. :)

The Garden

2011-12-03T22:23:00.000-08:00

this has always been one of my favorite songs ever, I just love Take That.
last night I was randomly playing their songs, and come across this.
I just feel like sharing. :)

this is the life we've been given,
so open your mind and start livin'.
we can play our part if we only start believing.

yeah, this is the life we've been given
so open your heart and start lovin'
we can make a start if we only learn to listen

happy birthday Olivia.

2011-12-03T21:55:00.001-08:00

when you were born, instantly you got one special day in a year - which is your birthday.
and then as you grow up, you realize you have more than just your birthday that should be taken into account as a special day - you have your parents', your siblings', your aunts and uncles and more.
but then, that's family, you are happy when they are happy in the blink of an eye.

you grow older, obviously. you meet friends.
some friends' birthdays aren't that significant, you're happy for them - yes. but then that's all.
then you got to know the people you never thought existed for real, who you might have a bad impression of at first, who you never thought could have been a good friend to yourself - and they become your best friends, someone dear to you, someone who's got a special place in your heart and soul - these people's birthdays become as important as your own.

the third of December was Olivia's birthday.
It's the fourth now, so this post is a little bit late, pardon my punctuality but hey, I was busy celebrating with my dear!

I don't know how many times I've said it, probably it was all not enough - but...
happy birthday Olivia.
happy 18th!
you are now legal in most countries, congratulations!

where am I going with this post?
I think I've said what I wanted to said, and you've read what I've got to say. so maybe this post is going to be a little bit different.

to be perfectly honest, you are such a pain in the ass sometimes. :p
but you're a pain in the ass that I like to bear.
I know I'm not easy to be with either, so I guess we're on the same page there.
when I first met you, I never thought we'd be this close. the experiences I've shared with you, Vivi, Rudi and Eric are all precious and I would cherish them for as long as I am alive.
you're weird, different and frankly I have never met anyone like you before - this I like, since I'm just not the kind of person who sits patiently acknowledging boring people.

there's a big, fat world out there. it's huge and it's almost like it's infinite.
we have our dreams, hopes and fears. we are living in a time where things aren't easy, but I believe we can make it. I believe we could do big things out there, we could live up to our dreams and even beyond that. I believe in you, and I hope you believe in yourself a little more. 'Cause that's all you need babe.

The thing is, people are always going to bring you down. there are circumstances in life which will end up taking you to the pit of Tartarus - but that doesn't mean you can't get back up there. life is a struggle, it is a series of hard work and determination, but when you get to the top - the view is breathtaking and worth all that sweat.

I don't know where this little thing called life is going to take us.
Furthermore, I have no idea if our paths are alongside each other, I sure do hope it is.
But I know that things don't always go the way you thought it will be, and we have to be prepared for the absolutely unexpected.
Here I'll say with absolute confidence that you are an important person to me, and I wish you all the happiness in the world.
What lies before us remains unknown until the day we embark upon it, but right now I'm enjoying every moment we are sharing with one another.
Hopefully, we'll be friends for life.
Whatever happens, my dear Olivia, remember that you'll always have me.
It doesn't matter what state of life we are in, or whether we've not talked in years, I mean it when I say I'll always be there for you. It is virtually impossible, but I will try my best.

I think it's only wise to end this post now, before it get way too long and ridiculous. I might start spilling "aib" all around here, and that's just not preferable.
If you must know, you're one of the very few people who knows me well. :p
and if there's anything more to say, I'll probably say it anyway. sooner or later.

happy birthday.

love you darling,
Infinite x's and o's,
Sheany

quote of the day (4/12/11)

2011-12-03T21:54:00.001-08:00

"Chin up. Put your shoulders back, walk proud, strut a little. Don't lick your wounds: celebrate them. The scars you bear are the signs of a competitor. You're in a lion fight. Just because you didn't win doesn't mean you don't know how to roar."
- Grey's Anatomy

beauty.

2011-12-01T03:43:00.001-08:00

how do you define beauty?
isn't it more of a personal opinion, rather than a collective agreement?
but somehow we are living in a time where our thoughts are not our own anymore, it became the possession of the people around you - and whether you like it or not, it affects you greatly.

beauty is in the eye of the beholder,
and yet that still can be questioned to an extent,
I think beauty is just you, simply you.
in the way you walk, talk, laugh.
in the way you see things,
beauty is all around,
and yet people struggle to achieve what might not even be beautiful.

I'd like to address how being beautiful is a major issue for a lot of woman today.
Especially teenage girls.
We are constantly forced to be beautiful. Whether it's the magazines we are reading, the cliques at school, boys you have a crush on, name it and there you go - a desire to be claimed beautiful, pretty, radiant, etc.
We have forgotten, that beauty is more than what it seems.
It's not just about looking good, but it's also about feeling good.
Beauty is a character, not just an appearance.

think about this : a person may look as if she's a princess, but if she behaves like a caveman - would you still say she's beautiful? pretty, maybe - not beautiful.
why do we settle for less than we are?
everyone, each and everyone of us is beautiful in our own, unique ways.
we don't have to live up to somebody else's expectations, especially if it only does us harm.
I am sad when I see girls my age going through eating disorders, thinking they are not thin enough to be beautiful. When did this happen?
We are supposed to be living in a better, far more developed age of living - and yet here we are, behaving as if what's important is something so vague and vain.

you're beautiful.
be beautiful in your own way.
do the things you like doing.
do good, be good.
surround yourself with people who love you,
find those who will accept you for who you are,
don't be afraid of being who you really are,
you're beautiful - don't ever let anyone make you think otherwise.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.

Audrey Hepburn

The Catcher in the Rye

2011-11-27T22:05:00.001-08:00

And I suppose everyone of us is a little strange and alittle lost. We can’t quite accept the things and the people around us, andthere’s always this little crazy part within ourselves that is eager to docrazy things and just thinking about it gives us major excitement.

There’s a little bit of Holden Caulfield in everyone, Isuppose. You cannot deny that, can you? I almost feel both happy and sorry formyself for being such a Holden sometimes. And yet this teenage portrayal of acharacter is of an absolute precision – it’s almost terrifying.

I mean, let’s talk about the two nuns that fascinated Holdengreatly – how many times have that happened to you? Let it be someone you watchon TV or someone you saw crossing the streets --- they begin to leave you animpression almost as if they were a big part of your life. It doesn’t matterhow they approach your heart and soul, the important thing is that they did.And although it sounds stupid in theory, it is what it is – it has happened tome almost over and over again, honestly it’s one of the best things about life.

Then there are those people who always seem to be tellingyou about what life really is about, the people who still get on your nervesfrom time to time and yet you have the utmost respect for them. Take Mr.Spencer and Mr. Antolini --- oh yes, I know you have these two men in your lifeby default. And maybe one of them is a flit, who really cares?

In a way, I think I could understand why “The Catcher in theRye” has become such a popular novel and even considered one of the best. Butthen again, it’s almost hard to say what’s so good about it, ‘cause you almostcan’t really pick up a point at anything.

If you ever want to get into someone’s head, get intoHolden’s. It’s insane how precise J.D. Salinger had written it all down likethat. Perhaps Holden is actually himself – oh I don’t know. I honestly couldn’tcare less. And yet there’s an extracted genius in that book, and well it isquite insane how someone can be writing down thoughts that goes in one’s headlike that. In that manner, I mean.

Bottom line… you know how something so small can dosomething brilliantly extraordinary? I can tell you this in my utmostconfidence – “The Catcher in the Rye” is all about a rich content packaged insuch a simple and almost impossible manner. A story that is told in such a waythat you almost expect to have nothing coming out from it, but in the end italmost made more sense than anything you’ve ever read before ( or maybe notreally ).

I think there willalways be a point in your life where you judge everyone and everything aroundyou, a point where nothing ever goes right and every little thing justdepresses the hell out of you. But then again it’s just a phase and it willpass. You’ll always have someone who you’ll run back to, who fascinates youmore than anyone else in the world. You’ll always have a memory that you can’tseem to let go. You’ll always have someone who gives you these advices that youwill appreciate and disregard at the same time. You’ll have the people youcan’t run from, you’ll have bastards crawling under your bed. You’ll have thosepeople and those occurrences that haunts you like a nightmare or tuck you inlike a sweet dream. You’ll find these little coincidences that makes big,small, huge or little impact on the way you see things.

our greatest fear.

2011-11-21T03:34:00.001-08:00

"You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness."
- Jonathan Safran Foer

and here we all are. completely under the cast of spell of Fear. where are we? where are you? where am I?

it's been said and done so many times, we are all pursuing happiness and yet we fear sadness. as hard as it is to admit this, one doesn't go without the other. the logic lies in the fact that in order for you to appreciate the happiness that is surrounding you, you need to experience the sadness too. it is only fair. haven't "fair" been our topic all along in life?

I am both surprised and intrigued by the fact that this simple theory is difficult to practice. we just don't get it, do we? we do get it when we are happy. we don't get it when we are sad. and that's the trick - to survive, to never lose hope at the worst of times.

I know well enough that life is not easy. It is hard, demanding and full of tricks. We just don't get to have it all smooth and fine. But I can tell you with confidence that life is beautiful. It's beautiful in its own way, in its almost unexplained ways of conspiring virtues. The key is to love your life. It's a doorway on letting life love you, too.

Don't worry about what's going to happen, but instead be content with what you have in your hands now.

Go tell your loved ones how much you love them.

Spend some time with your family and friends.

Listen to your favorite songs.

Go read your favorite book.

Dance in the rain.

Sing in the shower.

Eat Chinese Food.

Walk around town.

Drive your car to the nearest convenience store just because you feel like it.

Whether you realize it or not, we all need a little break.

We all need to stop thinking and start doing.

Happiness will follow,

it has never left your side.

it's not easy.

2011-11-21T03:26:00.001-08:00

There isn’t much for me to begin with.

And yet there is always something to say.

There is something undoubtedly going around in my head, andI don’t have the courage to figure out what it is.

I feel like I’ve had a chance at something and I blew itaway.

My dear Olivia said that there are some chances that youjust gotta miss.

But how do we know if this isn’t the one that we’re notsuppose to blow away?

“Nobody said it was easy… No one ever said it would be thishard…”

- The Scientist, Coldplay

Well I guess I’ll take it day by day, and see where it goes.

There are just so many things at hand, it’s almostimpossible to dwell just over one thing.

I think that I’ve grown weaker, and somehow more delusional –over the things that’s been happening in my life.

My heart is tortured, and yet my soul is growing,

And where shall we see ourselves tomorrow?

Somewhere between yes and no,

Somewhere between the fairy tales and reality we have allbeen hearing of,

I wish there was a way to be sure,

Relying on hope is a beautiful adventure,

And yet it is not easy to be standing on one side and notwondering what’s on the other side…

Though I believe that every little thing in this lifehappens for a reason,

And I believe with all my heart that it gets easier,

More importantly, I don’t think I’ve wasted my heart onanything or anyone – and so I am glad.

More than glad, actually.

I’m grateful.

Lastly.

J'aime quand tu me parles, à moi, à moi...

P.S : there is no relevance to the picture I posted and the post that's written, but anyway I love 'em both.

do it for love.

2011-11-20T22:09:00.001-08:00

seasons change,
stars aligned in the dark night sky,
the world revolves,
and here we are.
back to where we started.
there's nothing quite like the sensation of being with the one you love,
let it be an ordinary Tuesday night,
or a fun Saturday evening,
or perhaps a lazy Sunday,
spending some time with the ones you love?
it's the best way to be spending your time.
but what is out there, in the big big world?
there are things yet to be discovered,
things that are waiting to be found,
people who are dying to meet you, even if you nor they don't know it yet,
we all have something we want to do with our lives.
we all have something waiting for us in the future,
we all have visions,
and yet there are so many little things out there that's going to stop us from being who we truly want to be,
wherever you go, don't hesitate,
if you go with all your heart, you'll find what you're looking for,
sometimes in the most unexpected places.
I can't tell you what it's like out there,
for I haven't been there myself,
but let me tell you that there are millions of opportunities out there,
you can be whoever you want to be,
most importantly - you could love,
and you could be loved, too.

“You may not become a CEO or a millionaire or solve world peace, but you can be something & possibly everything to someone you love. Isn’t that enough?”
— Dave Singh

and so let me leave you with a though, that's hopefully going to make you think.
for all the things we do in this world, we do it for the ones we love,
if not, then why do it at all?
happiness is only real when it is shared. I truly believe this. don't you?

I'd like to dedicate this to a friend.

2011-11-17T07:03:00.001-08:00

truth is, life isn’t easy. if I tell you it’s easy, then I’m lying. or perhaps just seriously lucky.
every single one of us is struggling with our own lives. It doesn’t matter whether the problems are big or small, important or foolish, completely retarded or serious - it’s still something someone has to go through in life.
I think there are many people in this world who are suffering. And there’s just so many kinds of suffering that it’s sad to even think about it.
in life, we make choices.
some choices we make because we feel like it’s what we really want.
some choices are made because we felt like it’s what we needed.
while there are choices that needs to be made because of certain situations.
right or wrong, there will be those people who oppose us for the choices we make.
true or false, there will always be someone who judge us for who we are,
and for those who condemn us for what we do, who are they to say anything?
the truth is, we all have motives for the things we do,
sometimes they go unexplained, not because they are invalid, but because sometimes it’s hard to say out loud why the hell did we even do it in the first place.
and sometimes we do things because it felt right, because peace and serenity blossomed in our hearts when we do it.
and maybe the rest of the world don’t get it,
does it mean what we’re doing is wrong?
the world is a scary place,
filled with mean and judgmental people,
most of them does it not because they mean to, but they cannot help it.
the worst part would be when our loved ones condemn us for the things we do,
I know how that feels,
and thank goodness I’ve gotten over it, and we’ve moved past that,
but there’s always a possibility it might happen again in the future, and hopefully I’d be prepared for the day it arrives at my doorstep.
I think when you love someone, you have to accept that person for who they truly are, don’t you?
but it’s not something that happens instantly. it takes time to accept someone. it takes time to be with someone, for that matter.
parents, children, friends, lovers, husbands, wives…
we are all just ordinary beings. we can’t help but being human.
but remember that things get better,
I'm gonna tell you something and this is absolutely true : the world can't help but accept you for who you are, you know. you're not going anywhere after all.
things will, without a hint of a doubt, gets so much better than it is today.
when times are hard, be thankful for the little things you know you’ve got.
or if you don’t know what you’ve got, you might want to take a peek inside.
this life is beautiful, my dear.
it is so beautiful sometimes you fail to put it into words.
live each day with a smile on your face,
there is no such thing as impossible,
and this world is yours,
you can literally do whatever you want,
and when your heart speaks,
don’t let anything else get in your way.

a dating tip of some sort.

2011-11-12T12:01:00.001-08:00

"We have become a sloppy bunch of people. We say things we don’t mean. We make promises we don’t keep. “I’ll call you.” “Let’s get together.” We know we won’t. On the Human Interaction Stock Exchange, our words have lost almost all their value. And the spiral continues, as we now don’t even expect people to keep their word; in fact we might even be embarrassed to point out to the dirty liar that they never did what they said they’d do. So if a guy you’re dating doesn’t call when he says he’s going to, why should that be such a big deal? Because you should be dating a man who’s at least as good as his word."
Greg Behrendt

keep love in your heart.

2011-11-12T11:44:00.001-08:00

if you are wondering why you have ever let yourself be blinded by love,

why you have ever let love torn apart your days,

why you have ever let anyone in at all,

remember that there's no such thing as a waste when it comes to love,

love is pure, love is real,

what you have might not always be perfect,

but it is what it is,

and it happened because it is a part of who you are,

the people whom you loved (maybe) once, whom you will always love, who had taken a place in your heart...?

they brought happiness, didn't they?

and they probably will bring some more in the future,

you might wanna stick around for that.

"Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and a richness to life that nothing else can bring."
Oscar Wilde

your importance.

2011-11-12T11:31:00.001-08:00

"You may never have proof of your importance but you are more important than you think. There are always those who couldn’t do without you. The rub is that you don’t always know who."
Robert Fulghum

I have always been the kind of person who doesn't want to fret over my own importance in people's life.
But it does feel great to know that you mean something to someone, doesn't it?
I can't deny that it's a great feeling and it lifts you up from the ground almost every single time.
Although that's the cruel trick that they're playing on you,
especially when you've come to love and care about someone,
you just never know what really goes on in their mind,
bless you if you do,
though most of the time you just don't,
it's almost impossible to know what anyone really thinks of you, you know.

if you want my honesty, I'd tell you that I wish I am more important to a certain someone than I think.
that's a point of honesty I'd like to exaggerate, though for now I'd limit myself from doing exactly that.
feeling this way gives you a headache, a huge one at that,
but that's a risk I took some time ago, and for a lot of good reasons I might have to live with it.
the sky doesn't look very bright, unfortunately,
and it is dark outside and everything,
so maybe I shall put an end to this madness and go to bed?
that's good thinking, right?
but still I'll think about my importance,
and hope my hopes away,
for that's all I could do, in the time being.

bonne nuit mon amour :)

happy birthday mommy :)

2011-11-12T11:22:00.001-08:00

mom's birthday was on the 5th, it was exactly last week and only now do I have the time to post something about it.
me and my brother bought her a cake and also two bouquets of flowers and surprised her at twelve midnight, like the years before.
she was surprised, I don't think she expected any sort of celebration. she just got home, and we surprised her at the balcony, it was pretty darn perfect.
thank you to my dear Isa who accompanied me to buy the cake and flowers. love you babe!

It was good to see mom so happy, especially because afterwards she said to me that she actually wanted flowers for her birthday this year. I'm so glad I thought of her giving her those beautiful roses and lily.
I made her a card, with a short letter written on it as well. It was written in English, and I told her I didn't want to translate it for her. I don't know if she's gotten someone to tell her what it actually means, I might just ask later on.

once again, happy happy birthday mother.
I love you.
:)

being the bad guy.

2011-11-12T11:20:00.001-08:00

I've realized that you can't always do the right thing. Sometimes you have got to be the bad guy, the bad news bearer, the one who hurts.
Maybe you'll be someone's nightmare, and maybe to a certain someone you're the worst person in the whole world.
That's sad and everything, but that's just how it is.
We can't live our lives trying to please everyone.
One day you'll understand why it has to happen.
Soon enough, you'll realize why the bad stuff had to be there, why the bad people had to be a part of your life. It's not because God is trying to punish you or anything, it's because God is teaching you something.
Sometimes we do things that hurt other people without wanting to, I'm not saying that's okay,
but some things have to happen - all the reasons will soon follow.

the accumulated thoughts, finally.

2011-11-11T10:21:00.001-08:00

the world is a mess, and you're a part of it.
that's alright and everything,
because life is beautiful,
and without all those mess, you don't get to appreciate the beauty.

certain things happen,
and you don't know how the hell did it get there,
but it did,
you're trying to mend things,
not quite knowing h-o-w.
but you feel responsible for all the things that has happened.

feeling sorry doesn't quite cut it,
the worst is not being able to even tell what actually goes in your mind and heart,
I mean, people see, but they don't know.
God bless the ones who know us so well, and accepts us for who we are.
perhaps my chaotic mind needs a little bit of therapy,
I feel like I always have problems with people who didn't even do a thing, or maybe they did, I don't know.
when I treat someone with silence, it could mean two things - as far as I am concern ;
1. I respect that person too much to say anything at all.
2. That person has crossed the line too far for me to give them my speech.
And maybe there are more reasons for my silence, but for now that's what I can find on top of my head.

I don't know why things have to be so difficult sometimes,
but there's always a lesson in every experience, though for now I'm not sure what it is exactly.
God knows how many times have I gone through something like this, and that's okay.
I just don't think that at this point in my life I would go so far for someone who can't respect me, you know?
and maybe that's selfish on my part, and people can think all they want,
but maybe this is me giving myself a chance to breathe for once.

perhaps all along, it's me who needs to be mended.
perhaps all along, it's nobody's fault but mine.
and if that's the case, then hopefully my eyes will be opened,
so I could stop being so cruel and selfish.
because I do know how it feels to be on the other side of someone's selfishness.

good God, I need to stop being so dramatic.

knowing.

2011-11-01T06:50:00.000-07:00

Knowing others is intelligence;
knowing yourself is true wisdom.
Mastering others is strength;
mastering yourself is true power.
If you realize that you have enough,
you are truly rich.
If you stay in the center
and embrace death with your whole heart,
you will endure forever.

Tao Te Ching, No. 33 (translated by Stephen Mitchell)

the lady is a tramp

2011-10-30T05:13:00.000-07:00

arguably one of the best songs of all time?
oh I don't know.
but I love it though.
and this performance by Tony Bennett and Lady GaGa is just flawless. perfect from beginning 'till end. love it. :)

for you

2011-10-30T05:09:00.000-07:00

this is one of my favorite songs. I love Julia Stone's unique vocals, and this live performance is absolutely remarkable. I hope to see them live very soon, and I just know they're one of those artists that's going to blow your mind with their live performance.

If I talk real slowly, if I try real hard
To make my point dear, that you have my heart
Here I go, I'll tell you what you already know
Here I go, I'll tell you what you already know

If you love me with all of your heart
If you love me
I'll make you a star in my universe
You'll never have to go to work
You'll spend every day
Shining your light my way

If I talk real slowly, if I hold your hand
If you look real closely my love
You might understand
Here I go, I'll tell you what you already know
Here I go, I'll tell you what you already know

If you love me with all that you are
If you love me
I'll make you a star in my universe
You'll never have to go to work
You'll spend every day
Shining your light my way

we found love

2011-10-30T05:05:00.000-07:00

this song and video turned out to be way better than I thought it would be. I love the soliloquy in the beginning of the video, the last few words touches to the very core of my soul, and well this song is just nice to listen to, even though it's probably a little hardcore on some edges, I can't help but love it.

I want to witness a shooting star.

2011-10-30T05:00:00.000-07:00

people's beliefs are magnificent.
most of the time, we don't even know what we're doing.
there are those moments in life when we have to make a choice,
and who's to know the outcome of those choices?
and yet we put in faith in what we choose, don't we?
with the hope that it's the best choice to choose,

and sometimes we need a little miracle in life.
we don't quite know where to go,
or how to make that miracle happen,
thank goodness for phenomenons such as the shooting star!
yes, there are no actual guarantee that our wishes would come true,
but what if it does?
yes, it's not as easy as it sounds,
things just don't work that way in life,
but a little thing called faith can bring us to places we never thought even existed.

one day,
I'll be lying on top of a hill, staring out at the beautiful night sky,
spending an idle night with someone who is dear to me,
and maybe we'll witness a shooting star,
and maybe then I'll make a wish,
a wish upon a star,
how glorious does that sound?
such a simple thing,
such a lovely encounter,
make a wish,
and maybe it will come true.

dear,

2011-10-23T05:37:00.000-07:00

they say soulmate is your perfect match, the one and only,
but who are we to know?
some people believe soul mates are those people who are our exact opposite,
and some people believe soul mates are those people who's so similar to ourselves, it hurts.
which one do you believe in, it doesn't matter.
we live and we learn,
we love and we hope,
we don't always know which way to go,
sometimes it strikes in mind that perhaps soul mates don't exist,
what a pitiful scene it would be if it were true,
and so I refuse to believe it,
I choose to believe that soul mates do exist.
and yet it's not easy finding one,
sometimes you want to be with someone so badly,
but does it mean that person is your soul mate?
not quite,
some day, we'll know.
we'd be sure one day.
but not today.
there are things we have to face,
circumstances we have to be in, no matter how unpleasant,
we look at the sky up above, and wonder where life would take us,
sometimes, we have to let go,
sometimes, we don't always get what we want,
but if you try and look a little harder inside,
perhaps you've got exactly what you needed.
you might not know it today,
you might not realize it tomorrow,
but one day.
we live in a world where things aren't what it used to be,
we live in a world where logic meddles with our instincts,
and we don't which path we should choose,
but if you believe in yourself,
only in yourself,
maybe you'd discover that you have made a right choice,
and so if your heart aches today,
let it be,
let it go,
wounds heal,
feelings fade,
be happy in the moment,
be happy with what you've chosen,
and maybe you'll know for sure by then.

here and there.

2011-10-22T05:06:00.001-07:00

Je suis chez moi!!

goodness gracious, I just don't feel up to it lately.
you don't know what to think, or feel, cause everything seems different and unlikely,
your hopes turn into dust,
your mind is in a shuffle, and you can't press stop.
so where are you now?
here, there, everywhere, not quite, but yes.
it's hard to let things be,
cause you want them oh so badly,
it's hard to be hopeful and positive,
cause things don't seem like they're going that way,
so where are you now?
you don't even know.
you don't even know who you are anymore,
you're just quite lost.
and now you're wandering, hoping, dreaming.

so there's a little extract on what's going on in my mind lately, or more precisely - right this second.
even just thinking about it makes my heart go all WEE WEE.
I can't think. I really, really can't.
I want to be hopeful and all,
but there seems to be a little chance.
eegh, this is not good, not even a little bit.
God help all of us.
good news is, I'm where I'm at, and it feels good to be here. :)
can't wait for Monday to begin, so I can start meeting up with my loves <3
good night and see you in a bit. where I could post without all the secrecy.

ciao.

choose your happiness.

2011-10-17T08:25:00.000-07:00

“I’ve realized that being happy is a choice. You never want to rub anybody the wrong way or not be fun to be around, but you have to be happy. When I get logical and I don’t trust my instincts - That's when I get in trouble.”
— Angelina Jolie

I like the very first sentence.

I like it very much, in fact.

everything you do in life, it's all about choice.

where you are right now, is the impact of the choice you make seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years ago.

and sometimes it all seem so surreal, but yet here we are.

happiness : available 7 days a week.

not many people know that.

I know there are some people out there who'd actually prefer to drown in his/her miseries and sadness, forgetting all about the silver lining in every cloud...

and well, here goes a little thing from me -

wherever you are, whatever situation you are in, you're absolutely capable of experiencing happiness. it is a choice, by default.

so choose to be happy.

smile, though your heart is breaking.

that's a line from "Smile" by Charlie Chaplin. a beautiful song, which you should listen to if you haven't.

'cause whatever you're going through, it will pass.

if you have a choice to be happy, choose it now.

do not hesitate.

you love, you learn, you live.

there's not much else to do but be happy.

you live only once,

might as well be happy most of the time, right?

...doesn't seem so bad.

2011-10-17T06:17:00.000-07:00

“When we hold each other, in the darkness, it doesn’t make the darkness go away. The bad things are still out there. The nightmares still walking. When we hold each other we feel not safe, but better. “It’s all right” we whisper, “I’m here, I love you.” and we lie: “I’ll never leave you.” For just a moment or two the darkness doesn’t seem so bad.”
— Neil Gaiman, Neil Gaiman’s Midnight Days

so maybe I'll be safe in your arms, for as long as we love each other.

to fall.

2011-10-17T06:07:00.000-07:00

you begin to fall deeper and deeper into him.

in the unknown depth of that person’s charm and wits,

you just begin to see yourself with him in every chance you’ve got,

you don’t quite know what you’re doing,

or where you’re going,

you’re not sure,

but you want to be,

though it doesn’t seem like the odds are in your favor,

you hope, you wish, you dream,

and then you just don’t know,

his stare begins to fill your heart,

and everything he does highlights your days,

your heart skips a beat,

it’s hard not to let it all out,

but you gotta keep it all inside,

cause you don’t want to get hurt,

you’re afraid,

but you’re daring,

your heart is beating faster,

whenever he’s around,

your mind is filled,

with his voice, his laughter, him.

and then you just don’t know what’s going to happen.

you wish something would happen,

but who are you to know?

a happy breakup song.

2011-10-13T10:54:00.000-07:00

this world needs a little bit more of Sara Bareilles' "Gonna Get Over You".
instead of crying over what happened,
we might just dance a little to it.
separation, endings - they're not necessarily the end of the world.
they're new beginnings and sometimes blessings in disguise.
you can't help but feeling a bit hyped when listening to this easy listening so by the dazzling Sara Bareilles.
I just love it.

if you're in heartache, or you recently got your heart broken - you'll get over it my loves.
it might take sometime.
maybe not today.
maybe tomorrow.
and so what if it takes another week or even a month?
but you'll find someone else.
someone better.
who loves you.
and you love him/her too.
don't worry.
life is too short for tears in your cheeks.
it's better to put a smile on that beautiful face of yours.

Infinite X's and O's,
S

happy birthday Stephy Lam :)

2011-10-13T10:46:00.000-07:00

I don't know how many times have I wished you happy birthday already, but here goes another one ;

happy happy happy birthday, my dear Stephy.
simply said, I wish you all the best in the world.
I wish you every ounce of happiness from every corners of the world, and may your life be filled with love and joy all the years to come.
I hope you enjoyed the surprised we had for you and I also hope you love the present I gave you.

I love to write, but sometimes expressing love in the form of writing is rather difficult.
here I'm going to share with you all a little tale,
about how I've come to met a good friend of mine,
let's just call her S, cause it's easier.
and yes, her first name starts with the same letter as my own name,
she's an extraordinary girl, you know.
and I wish I could tell you all about S in just a few words,
but that's impossible,
she's a good friend,
if you're imagining someone with the uttermost perfection, you are wrong,
because she, as is I, am not perfect.
we are all still learning,
and I am glad to have her by my side on this journey called life,
who would've thought we'd become good friends on that first day we came to know each other?
from that lunch in ajisen-ramen, Sunway Pyramid --- I would've never guessed we'd come here.
and I guess that's just life, isn't it?
things happen in order to surprise the hell out of you,
S is just a wonderful surprise,
I'll be honest here - she can be tough to handle at times,
she could get you on your nerves like nothing else,
but she's also the kindest soul,
and the sweetest person,
she's the cutest, too,
with a great sense of fashion - I just love to see her wear this and that.
we haven't known each other that long,
God knows what's going to happen in the future,
but what a blessing it would be if I have her as a friend for as long as time exist,
and even beyond that,
as melodramatic as this little writing gets,
all I really wanna do here,
is to wish my dear friend a happy birthday.
it doesn't seem like a million "happy birthday wish" is enough,
and so I'm going to say it again and again, as much as I could,

I wrote this little "poem" ( not really, but I don't know what else to call it ) a while ago, and right now I want to dedicate this to S.
happy birthday. <3

Friends are one of the most important thing in the world.
your friends, in a way, give you your life.
the world would be empty without them.
you and i are friends, we are also best friends,
and maybe in another lifetime we'll be siblings,
we've been through this and that,
and we'll be going through many more
yet, i hope that what we have will never end.
i love you like i love my family, and looking at us, i would just smile,
deep down saying,
"Best Friend Forever",
:)

Destiny has a weird way of showing you what's life really about
You meet so many different people from different places,
through different kinds of way,
and they could end up as one of the most important person in your life,
we met in a weird, extraordinary way,
we became friends all of a sudden,
that i can't even recall,
it seemed like it was meant to be.
i might sound dramatic,
but look back and you'll see what i'm talking about,
and look at where we are today,
you can't help but smile, right?

Infinite X's and O's, your friend who loves you. :)

Obsessions : Love on Top

2011-10-11T08:38:00.000-07:00

So last night Iwatched Beyonce’s “Love on Top” Official Music Video teaser, and fell in lovein a heartbeat. She looks gorgeous, and the song is just perfect.

You can never gowrong when it comes to Beyonce.

If you’re a friend ofmine, you’d surely be hearing me humming or even singing out this song with noshame in the coming weeks. Like, seriously. I've been replaying both the song and the teaser video over and over again and practically sang it without shame earlier this afternoon.

I can't wait until the official music video comes out!!! <3

Bring the beat in!
Honey, honey I can see the stars all the way from here

Can't you see the glowon the window pane?

I can feel the sun whenever you're near

Every time youtouch me I just melt away

Now everybody asks me why I'm smiling out from ear to ear.

(They say lovehurts)

But I know

(It's gonna take the real work)

Nothing's perfect, but it'sworth it after fighting through my fears

And finally you put me first

Baby it's you.

You're the one I love.

You're the one I need.

You're the onlyone I see.

Come on baby it's you.
You're the one that gives your all.

You're the one I can always call. When Ineed you make everything stop.

Finally you put my love on top!

tonight.

2011-10-10T12:21:00.000-07:00

the night sky tonight is enchanting. the lightnings keep on striking, but thunders remain unheard, I could see the clouds faintly, even amidst the darkness of night, and I think to myself, why do we sleep at all, when there's so many things to see in the world?
oh, and I found this quote and fell in love with it in an instant.

“I like to see people reunited, I like to see people run to each other, I like the kissing and the crying, I like the impatience, the stories that the mouth can’t tell fast enough, the ears that aren’t big enough, the eyes that can’t take in all of the change, I like the hugging, the bringing together, the end of missing someone.” — Jonathan Safran Foer

say.

2011-10-10T12:17:00.000-07:00

I got a little inspired last night, and posted this on facebook.

"say what you need to say - there's no such thing as the perfect timing. the best things happen in the most unexpected moments. avoid regrets, say what's in your heart :)"

they.

2011-10-10T12:11:00.000-07:00

how many times have that happened to you?
this happened to me quite recently, the one I can remember anyway,
and it pricked my soul and heart.
it saddens me to think that I'm not as close with that person as I once was.
and how we've moved on with our own lives,
and I realize we are starting to forget each other, amidst this thing called life.
it is a sad thing,
but isn't that just how things are supposed to be?
people come and go, don't they?
there are those you wish they would stay forever,
and there are those who you just can't wait to get rid of,
nothing is perfect, it seems.
and what else can we do but live the moments we have with the ones we adore the best way we could?

but that's the trick, isn't it?
the person I mentioned earlier,
he was my ex,
and then we became really good friends,
better than we were as lovers,
and I love him with all my heart,
I trusted him more than I trusted any other guy,
even my guy best friend,
and then things change,
and he's happy now,
and I'm happy for him,
but I know a part of me wants us to be as close as we were before,
but how can we, when we love each other too much?
I just realize that.
we did, didn't we?
I think we did.
maybe we didn't.
I still think we did.
and that's sad,
knowing it much much later,
but that's alright,
cause I love him still,
I don't think you could ever stop loving anyone, you know.
it's either you did or you didn't.
but you just don't stop.
love might fade away with time or something,
but it doesn't vanish completely, does it?

and so there you go.
a thought for the morning.
they.
they who once touched your life,
they who once filled your days,
they who might not be the same person as they were once,
they who will always have a place in your mind, in your heart,
although you don't know it half the time.
ah, so what then?
the memories you have are treasures,
precious little thing to hold on to.
some memories hurt, I know,
but in the end, they were there for a reason,
so were the people,
and so are you.

to live

2011-10-10T11:53:00.000-07:00

to live a hundred years without love,

is there a life in those years?

waking up in the morning,

barely breathing,

barely seeing,

a life without love must be the saddest one of all,

and so no one shall embark on that pitiful journey,

if you think you live a life without love,

think again,

love is all around,

it's within you,

wherever you may go.

to live a whole year with love,

what a blissful journey it must have been,

oh yes it's not always sunshine and rainbows when it comes to love,

but what is life without love?

there will be the days when you feel like hell,

and there are days when you feel like you're in Heaven,

the tiny dozes of love,

it brings you to a lifetime of happiness,

no matter how small.

when you have the chance to, love.

it's not going to be easy,

but it's always worth the while.

to live at all,

what it is to live?

there are no words to describe life,

it is different for everybody,

but if you've got a life to live,

there's no reason to do otherwise,

do what you want to do,

right now,

say what you want to say,

right this moment,

whether it's late or early,

whether it's rain or shine,

when you've got a life,

well isn't it better to make the most of it?

forever and now.

2011-10-10T11:41:00.000-07:00

we are all obsessed with the term "forever", aren't we?
whether you admit it or not,
the thought of living forever must have cross your mind,
it doesn't matter what context it lies in,
whether it is to love someone forever,
or to simply exist for as long as you can,
well...
it's basically human nature to want to exist forever and ever.

but if you think about it again...
living forever,
that's just scary.
with all these vampires crawling around the big screen and your home screen, people are not being rational at all.
sure, living for hundreds and hundreds of years is a gleeful phenomenon,
but is there really a life, where there is no vulnerability?
I think time has got an important lesson for all of us,
and with time we learn that we haven't got all the time in the world,
and we must live today as if it were our last,
the thing is - anything could happen.
perhaps you're thinking that if you've been alive long enough, death is not such a bad thing anymore...

well here's a thought -
death scares me too, you know.
not knowing what might happen the very next second - creeps the hell out of me.
but knowing that death is inevitable,
and it will happen,
that's another bonus.
I don't know what it is about life,
but everything happens for a reason, and at the right time, too.
sometimes we can't even understand or see the reason, but it's there.
and here I am thinking that we are safe in knowing that some day we're going to leave this place,
perhaps we can make the most of it already.

whoa.
that was some deep thoughts there.
I think I got you all thinking.
at least I hope I did.
I don't know, I don't know.
it's the morning madness.
It's almost three.
I'm going to end this post, NOW.

goodnight, strangers.

Dear S

2011-10-10T07:46:00.000-07:00

hello my dear, 

there is not much I can really say to you, 

I know your heart is in chaos, 

and I know your days are filled with thoughts that bothers you to the very core, 

there's not much I can do either, sadly. 

but if there is something, anything - you can always let me know and I'll try to give you my best shot. 

you're a sweet and lovely person, 

and you don't deserve to have your heart broken, 

not by any guy, any friend, anyone. 

life is full of surprises - not all of them is good. 

but there's always a silver lining in every cloud, 

and if today doesn't work out the way you expect it, 

perhaps tomorrow will be the best day of our life. 

I can't imagine the pain you are feeling, 

I cannot place myself in your shoes, 

but I know you are sad, 

I know there are times in a day when you cannot control your emotions, 

but you should know that I am here for you, 

maybe not always, 

but in your heart I'm always there, 

you are not alone, and hopefully never will be, 

you are loved. :)

counting down the days to your birthday, 

you should be the happiest person on the planet, 

I'm not perfect, but I'll try to be a perfect friend of you, 

sometimes my words might not be enough, 

sometimes my actions might not satisfy, 

but know that I love and care about you. 

there's something about you I can't quite place, that makes you a person I'm lucky to have known in my life, and naturally - I look forward to the journey I'm sure we'll be having together side by side. 

life isn't easy, 

but nothing is impossible, 

and with a friend, 

it's you and me against the world. :) 

love, 

S

do you want to be loved?

2011-10-06T11:57:00.000-07:00

one thing I cannot stand about people is that most of us wants to be loved, without knowing what it takes to love someone.

I'm not saying I do, because I don't.
the only thing I'm saying here is that in order for someone to love you, firstly you need to love yourself.

if you asks me ; what can I do to make someone fall in love with me?
I'm going to stare straight into your eyes and ask you back ; are you really asking me that question?
you see, love isn't something forced.
there's something called chemistry and yes there's effort and all, but most of the time love happens when you least expect it.
we live in a time and place where all the things in the world sort of jumble together and we're completely unaware of what is true and what isn't.
most of the people around me, the ones who are in a relationship, I don't think most of them are aware of what love is.
what is love, anyway?
oh, that's another question I'm not going to be able to answer.
nope. not in this lifetime. perhaps later on, I suppose?

why worry about something that's going to be around forever?
love isn't going anywhere, sweetheart.
you gotta live, open your heart, love yourself, love the world.
there are those who are going to tear your heart open and destroy it into pieces,
and then there will come those people who will tend to your broken heart and heal them with all their might,
these people, they come and go,
there are the ones who stay, the ones who will never once leave, the ones you can count on,
in this life you will not always get what you want,
but in the end, you'll always get exactly what you need,
so don't worry one bit.
if you want to be loved,
then love yourself,
you live only once,
you can't possibly love someone if you don't love yourself firstly,
so start from yourself. today.

it might take some time to love someone,
it will take a lot more time to be loved,
but it's a worthwhile journey,
to love and be loved,
that's the joy to look forward to,
take your time,
live your life,
you've got nothing to lose.

a little something for a dear friend of mine.

2011-10-06T10:08:00.000-07:00

Dear O,

honestly I don't know how to put what's on my mind in words right now,

you're one of the first people to know me so well,

and for some reasons we click, like I've never clicked before (which sounds wrong I don't know why)

we've only known each other for a couple of months,

you don't know how grateful I am to have known someone like you,

truth is, I don't know what's going to happen in the future.

change is inevitable,

and maybe one day I'll change (though honestly if I have to change, I hope it will only be for the better),

God knows what's going to happen in the future,

but I know for sure at this moment right here,

that you're my precious friend and I love you for who you are.

truth is,

I've never met anyone like you,

I've never thought I'd make friends with someone like you,

I've told you once and now I'm telling you twice,

if I were ask to do it all over again, I'd do it in a heartbeat,

nobody's perfect,

we are all still learning,

but in the process of learning,

we cross each other's paths,

and become friends,

and the time we spent together are truly one of the most amazing moments I've had in my life,

I didn't realize it was possible to meet someone who's so different from me, and yet so similar,

but here you are.

dear O,

I don't know what the future's gonna be like,

I do hope we can be friends for as long as we are alive,

but the uncertainty of the future makes me live in the moment,

and the moments we're living now are the ones I cherish the most.

my sweet friend,

you're an amazing person, don't ever let anyone makes you think otherwise.

oh yes, you're imperfect.

and so am I.

and so is the rest of the world.

but that's okay, you know?

'cause what makes the world so perfect is the fact that we are all imperfect altogether.

and if you look closely, there are times when your flaws brings out the best of you.

I know this is cheesy and all,

it doesn't even rhyme,

I'm writing this so I won't lose what's currently going on in my mind,

but hey,

all I really wanna say is,

I love you,

and I know we all love you here,

we all love you for who you are,

and although there are times when things seem like it's going downhill,

have a little faith my darling,

and tomorrow will be better.

Je t'aime, mon ami.

2011-10-06T07:05:00.000-07:00

my teacher posted this in her Facebook wall, and well - it's pretty inspirational don't you think?
bless the people who don't have this need to talk about people. seriously.
I've come to think that's it just basic human nature - we just have to talk about other people. but there are people who will talk as if they know the people they're talking about inside and out ( maybe they do, who knows? ) but whatever the circumstances are, no one has the right to talk about another person in whatever ways --- life is too short for that kind of stuff.
and here's a little something for all of you who are struggling ---

which reminds me, I simply need to have...

messages from perfect strangers.

2011-10-06T06:43:00.000-07:00

hello, you.

after a conversation with Olivia and Vivi this afternoon, I got to thinking about the kind of person I am. Olivia pointed out that I'm more expressive when I'm in misery and although I'm not sure it's a good or a bad thing - I know it's the truth.
It's easier for me to express myself when I actually have something that's bothering the hell out of my mind.
Whereas when I'm happy? I prefer to take it all in and not ruin it with any false or misunderstood explanation - usually I'll just be excruciatingly speechless and full of gratitude.

the people we are today,
is that the same person we're going to be ten years to come?
that spot we stood upon this afternoon,
will we remember ever standing there somewhere in the future?

as you grow up, you begin to discover more about yourself.
you learn, you take, you give...
the people around you change, and so do you.
it's just the way it is, isn't it?
change has always been something that bothers me to an extent,
but honestly, lately - with the massive changes that's been happening in my life,
I feel like I'm more adapting to change itself.
I'm getting to know "change" better, for a change.
does that make any sense?

anyways.
I got a small message from a pen pal today and it seizes to amaze me how perfect strangers can be such lovely people.
there IS a high chance that they're probably crazy psychopath who's waiting to rape you or something,
but I like the fact that I don't know one bit about this person's life except the guy he "probably" is.
I don't even know how he looks like.
sure, I'm curious.
but I'd like to keep the secrecy in that manner - it's just so much more... exciting.
we're living in a world where everything is practically judged by its cover,
it's enthralling when there's just so little to judge from,
and so much to enjoy.

some days are so ordinary, you can't tell what makes it different from yesterday or the day before,
but I don't know, if at the end of the day you've somehow enjoyed yourself, no matter how small in amount - it counts as a pretty good day, don't you think?
I'm going to leave you with whatever you're doing now while I post some "inspirational" stuff up after this. :)
have a good weekend everyone.

Infinite X's and O's,
Sheany

Steve Jobs

2011-10-05T18:36:00.000-07:00

I don't know a lot about the man behind Apple.Inc,
I know he's a brilliant man with fantastic visionaries,
and I know I love him because Macintosh is just wonderful.
Call me a hypocrite or a mainstream bitch, but you gotta admit Apple has got some pretty decent stuff.

When I opened twitter this morning, my timeline begins to fill with the sad news of the passing of Steve Jobs.
Who would've thought, right?
I just discovered that it's also the day of iPhone 4s release.
moreover, I had no idea that this man who seems like an amazing guy has been battling cancer for the past couple of years.

sad, isn't it?
this reminds me of what a friend said sometime last week, that life is a chronicle of sufferings.
something I refuse to believe, and I argued with him for about an hour over this thing.
but today, for some reasons - the statement felt partly right.
each and every day of our lives is somehow embedded with a whole lot of suffering. big or small, it doesn't matter - you will still experience misery.
that's the thing about human beings.
the most interesting and perhaps the cruelest part of this life - the fact that you can't ever know what goes on in a person's head ( except if you're psychic, but then again if you are - how do you live with that much information? )

perhaps it's my ignorance, but I really had no idea that Steve Jobs was battling with cancer.
not that I can do much about it, but knowing would've been somehow better, or would it?
I mean, there he was, a perfectly normal guy, a genius behind Apple.Inc, a guy who always seem to wear jeans and sweater and a smile on his face --- and here is today, a day where we are all mourning for his death.

how are we supposed to live our life in order to make it a good life?
we would never be enough.
life is too short, or sometimes too long, who could tell?
there are moments in life you should hold on to,
but then when the moments pass you by?
what should you be doing then?

I just remembered that this post was supposed to be about Steve Jobs.
and it is, in a way.

iansomerhalder ian somerhalder
by SheanyYasTaj

My heart and gratitude go out,like so many of us,to Steve Jobs and his family.You Sir are one of the greatest minds the world will ever see

good morning to you all,

good bye to dear Steve Jobs,

thank you for your absolutely amazing greatness.

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life." -Steve Jobs

“He was the most passionate leader one could hope for,a motivating force without parallel,” wrote Steven Levy @ Steve Jobs.

Steve Jobs "inspired people to do the impossible." -Eric Schmidt, Google Ex. Chair

Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes.
The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them.
About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They invent. They imagine. They heal. They explore. They create. They inspire. They push the human race forward.
Maybe they have to be crazy.
How else can you stare at an empty canvas and see a work of art? Or sit in silence and hear a song that’s never been written? Or gaze at a red planet and see a laboratory on wheels?
We make tools for these kinds of people.
While some see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do. - APPLE.INC

a little something at 9.19am

2011-10-05T18:20:00.000-07:00

It's seriously annoying how writing has become such a strange thing to me.
Of course, when someone gives me the task to write -it comes rather naturally.
But it's the lack of creative and personal writing that bothers me so much.
I haven't been writing for months.
My novel plans have gone out of the wind, nowhere to be found.
I know there's a potential for me to finish a book and all, but the process of writing one is just not as easy as one thought it would be.
I'm known for my patient impatience.

Oh, and I just finished my Mid-Terms, yay!
I really hope I did amazing and I believe I did.
But I just don't know.
I can't wait to see the results, but I'm also terrified at the same time.

let's cross fingers for the best :)

I feel sorry for myself for not being able to write anything inspirational lately.
I need to work on that.
It's probably because I've been so out of it lately.
Socializing has become such a priority that books and writing has been left behind.
But I'm picking it all up slowly. and I really need to clean up my room, geez.

that's a little update for this blog for now.
catch you all in a little bit.

ciao!

2011-10-03T04:58:00.000-07:00

the credibility of this video is still in question, but it looks pretty legit and whatever those people are doing are inhuman, despite of any reasons that may follow ( I'm guessing extremely dumb ones )

Viewer Discretion is ADVISED. Especially for those of you who cannot stand violence in any form, it is a wise option not to even click on the link. But if you wish to, then here goes ;
CLICK HERE.

I showed this to my friend, Olivia, and she stopped watching before half of the video. I decided not to finish the whole thing, it was simply too much.
I cannot comprehend what goes on the minds of these vile beings, who would do such a thing. They murdered a man on a busy street, and the worst part is the people who are around didn't even bother to look for help or something.
It comes to mind that perhaps homosexuality is an extremely taboo thing in that part of the world, but still - isn't there any humanity left in these people?

to set a man on fire,
LIKE, SERIOUSLY.
in the middle of the street,
with no one giving a second glance?
what kind of world are we living in?
I know I believe everything happens for a reason, but I don't think there's a reason strong enough to make what these people did to that poor man - reasonable or justified even.

I can't think.
Post your opinions here. I would want to know what the rest of the world think.

toodles.

the first day of October '11 - Pavilion, Abduction & Celadon

2011-10-02T00:00:00.000-07:00

October, my sweet darling.
hello again to you. we spent our first day of October wandering around KL.
here's a catch, the things we do and the place we visit - all of them happens to end in "on".
isn't that just a bliss to discover? :p

ANYWAY.
It really doesn't matter where you are, you know. What really matters is who you're with.

I love being with V.R.O.S.E.! We just happen to have great times together.
We took the taxi on our way from Mentari Court to Pavilion, but we went home using the Monorail and Rapid KL. It feels rather awesome to take the public transport, I don't know why but I just love it. I love that we walked around town for a bit.
What can I say? I like long, random walks and I'll take it like it's my meal of the day.

We watched Abduction, a movie starring Taylor Lautner and Lily Collins. It was okay, you know? I'm just glad Taylor Lautner didn't took his shirt off for the entire course of the movie and Lily Collins was pretty as ever.

Celadon, a Thai Cuisine Restaurant in Pavilion turned out to be a lovely treat. Thank you mom for treating me and my friends to a lovely birthday dinner. The food was absolutely exquisite and just thinking about it now makes me drool... DROOL.

That's a small summary of how my first October went.
hope you all had a good weekend, or perhaps currently having it now!

Vivi just loves to take candid pictures...

flipping through the menu

Ayam Pandan. ( Pandan Chicken ). <3

hello October!

2011-10-01T13:42:00.000-07:00

I can't believe September has ended. There's only less than 3 months left to the year 2011.
Time sure flies.
So much has happened in the past nine months. I mean, it is a long period of time. A baby would come out after the said duration, you know...

ANYWAY! There's so much to look forward to this month! I'm going to list it out, mostly for my own reference in the coming weeks...

It's the month of Halloween. You know what that means. POSSIBLE Costume Party!
Mid-Term Exam. Yep and Yeap.
Deepavali/Semester Break! V.R.O.S.E.!'s planning to go to Singapore!
A lot of traveling foreseen.
Juggling between assignments.
Gretaly Trip Planning, y'all! We've got the gang into it!
Bridesmaid Dress Chaos?

You see? YOU SEE HOW MUCH FUN THIS MONTH WOULD BE?
That was a little too much, wasn't it?
OH WELL.
Oh and talking about October...

On this day in 1969 (1st October ), The Beatles released Abbey Road in the United States. The famous album cover featured a VW Beetle. What’s your favorite Beatles song? ( VW USA )

I wish you all a fantastic month, and hopefully this will be a super awesome month for myself and my loved ones.
Happy October, y'all! <3

Infinite X's and O's,
Sheany.

silence.

2011-10-01T13:00:00.000-07:00

when you say or hear the word "silence", what comes to your mind is probably a quiet place, serenity, peacefulness, et cetera et cetera.
personally, I don't think you can classify silence into just what it literally means.

"A story is told as much by silence as by speech." - Susan Griffin

I can tell you this with much, much confidence - I am an extremely talkative person. I love to talk. I honestly think it's a healthy sport. If it can be classified into the "sports" category.

But silence has always been a part of my life.

My mother is the kind of person who prefer to stay home than go out. Who dislikes having too many people around and who sits outside in the balcony late at night to have private talks and a lot of silence in between. I think I appreciate silence much more than I probably would because of her.

growing up, you meet all different kinds of people with all different kinds of personalities.

you may meet those people who just can't stop talking. there are those who'd say literally anything to avoid silence. and there are those who prefer to keep quiet and watch, instead of saying or even sharing anything. there are more, obviously, but to list it out would just be dull.

what I would like to share to you today is one of my perspectives on silence.

I think it tells more about a person than almost anything else.

yes, other factors also counts - but I think I could tell more about a person when they are silent and quiet than when they are talking.

one of the reasons why I'm even talking about this is because I've just came to know someone ( whom I consider to be one of the most important people in my life, now and hopefully forever ) whose silence fascinates me.

to be perfectly honest, his silence annoys the hell out of me. okay maybe NOT "the hell out of me", but still. I mean, I'm just slightly bothered, you know? I like to figure people out, and his silence does not help at all. but as I got to know him better, he begins to fascinate me in a way I never thought was possible. God, I hope you know who he is, 'cause I'm sure he'll rock your world. and maybe someday you will, I don't know.

all I can say is that this beautiful, beautiful friend of mine shows me another side of the world that I was completely oblivious to.

I didn't realize it before, but now I know.

he could literally keep so much to himself and not tell a single soul - and would actually sacrifice a lot for someone who probably doesn't deserve it.

that sounds bad,

but it's an amazing thing - let me tell you.

he is selfless, responsible and loving.

and he showed me a kind of kindness and generosity that I can't possibly express in words.

so perhaps,

if you just dare to get to know someone a little bit more,

he'll turn your world upside down,

and show you the magic in this world, you know?

dear V,

I've only known you for a little while,

but it feels like a lifetime, you know?

I can't imagine what you are going through,

and I think you are much stronger than you think,

we all love you,

I hope you know that,

and I know, I know deep down in my heart and soul,

that you deserve the best, and the best only.

there's a saying that goes ;

"don't let anyone ever make you think like you don't deserve what you want."

it's one of my favorite,

and I think you need to hear that.

you deserve all the happiness and all the love in the world, my sweet darling.

and whatever happens, I'll ( we all too, I'm sure ) always be there for you.

we might not be the best people on Earth, I know I'm not :p,

but I'll take all the chance I've got,

to put a smile on your sweet face.

je t'aime, mon ami.

Infinite X's and O's,

Sheany.

the 5 unexpected surprises.

2011-10-01T12:24:00.000-07:00

I don't know how to even begin telling you the course of events that occurred on the 28th and 29th of September.
But I can definitely tell you this - those two consecutive days will be two of the most memorable days of my life. and I feel truly grateful to have Olivia, Vivi, Eric and Rudi around me.
Call me dramatic, but they make me feel like I'm home.
This is the first time I've ever had a birthday so far from home. I didn't even call my mom that day, surprisingly. But it was such a beautiful and wonderful day, that I don't mind at all.
Although in all's honesty I can bluntly say to you all that I hate these four people with all my love.
They say there's a thin line between love and hate... If I've never understood that sentence before, I'm definitely starting to understand this now.

They are the most vicious, sweetest, unbelievable and most lovable people with big hearts - and it's such a honor to be friends with them. So without further a due, let me visually show you what they have done... In a glimpse.

V.R.O.S.E.! <3

bottom line, they pull pranks like they mean it. which I bet they REALLY, REALLY DO.

I wasn't bluffing when I told you they pulled 5 different surprises ( pranks, excluding one :p ) in the course of just a few hours. I wish I could share with you everything and I'm probably going to try that in a minute, but I don't think I could give a good picture of how it all actually happened.

I'm currently giving second thoughts.

I've decided not to explain, since I'm almost a hundred percent sure it's going to fail like shit.

Oh and they made me a birthday video! Aren't they just the sweetest??? <3

let's just say that my 18th birthday has been one of the best ( or perhaps THE ONE ) birthdays I've had for the past 18 years. I never thought it would be this special, and I truly am grateful for that.

once again, thank you my sweet friends.
I love you all, more than I could possibly express.
Infinite X's and O's,Sheany

i-City & Asia Cafe

2011-10-01T11:12:00.000-07:00

some photos from last week's little adventure with Olivia, Vivi, Rudi and Eric.
we went to i-City in Shah Alam and had dinner in Asia Cafe, SS15.
i-City is beautiful, although all those lights might contribute a great amount of greenhouse-effect to Planet Earth. We had a good dinner at Asia Cafe too, we've been going there quite often these past couple of weeks. Not to forget the fact that we actually walked all the way from Asia Cafe to Mentari Court. ON FOOT. Well, what else do we walk in? :p
It was a pretty adventurous day! Wish I've posted this sooner.
Anyway, here are some scenes from last weekend :))

Korean Food @ Asia Cafe, I've been eating that for a few times in a row now. Can't seem to get enough of Korean dishes!

Here's a glimpse to i-City. Beautiful, isn't it?

Vivi, Olivia and me. <3

Dinner @ Asia Cafe

I love this picture!

Rudi, Eric, Olivia and me :)

I can tell you one thing, these people bring colors to my life and I'm forever grateful for them :))

oh and the above photos belong to Vivi & Rudi.

wake me up when September ends.

2011-09-29T19:17:00.000-07:00

I feel like such a jerk for almost not posting anything at all for the whole of this month. I know I'm going to be posting a whole lot of things that has happened this past month on the month of October, so watch out for that if you're looking forward to seeing more personal posts from me.

first of all,
bonjour!

how are you all?
I've had such a wonderful birthday yesterday, I'm more grateful than I could express it in words.
Turning 18 just got a lot more exciting than I thought it would be.
Mom called at 9 this morning, and it is so good to hear her voice. She called and inform me about something that's happening within the family. Something I couldn't quite believe myself.
There's not much any of us can do and I just hope and pray everything will turn out okay.

here's to all of you who's far away from home.
we all deal with distances differently.
some of you love it, some of you loathe it.
bottom line is, if you're there for a reason - then be faithful to it.
I know I'm here because I want to pursue my dreams and see the world.
I'm not sure if I'm really doing it or not, I hope I am - but I always find myself missing home, my mom, my family and my friends. but that's the challenge I just have to face.
it's easier for some people, some of my friends here are already used of being far away from home - and they seem to settle into this new environment much more easily.
sometimes it still bothers me not being able to do much to help ease whatever it is that my family's going through, but I'm learning to cope with it. I have great friends who are helping me out with that. :)

we're coming to the end of this post now.
I know it's highly uninteresting and perhaps even super boring.
will post more soon.
very soon.

:)
meanwhile,
READ MORE, WRITE MORE, TRAVEL MORE.

all the love in the world for you, dear readers.

"Yesterday is but today's memory and tomorrow is today's dream." - Khalil Gibran

xx

P.S :

a wish card from my lovelies.

Finnick my iTouch, Mentari Court, FICM and things lately.

2011-09-13T05:53:00.000-07:00

I always seem to start my blog post by saying how long it's been since I last posted anything...
It's a habit I got to work on, but let me tell you this - blogging requires discipline and just a heap of dedication, you can't exactly do it without actually wanting to. Does that make any sense? I don't think so. Oh well.

so I've officially lost my iTouch. my dear Finnick. it's so ironic that he's lost in such a way that I didn't expect it, just like the way Finnick died in The Hunger Games. I guess I'm being dramatic. But I do love my dear iTouch and it's just so hard to let it go. My carelessness has officially reached its core, and it's abundantly annoying, let me tell you. Plus, getting scold by your mom when you're just so upset about losing something doesn't help much either. But that's what parents do, right?

Right now, there's just a lot of people coming into my life. People I've probably encountered before but never really noticed, or people I have never met at all. And I'm grateful to get to know each and everyone of them. There's a beauty in getting to know people and making new friends, and for now I'm just experiencing something absolutely new and refreshing, and I'm truly grateful. Added to that, living in Mentari Court might not be everyone's choice ( it's in a dangerous area ), but let me just put this out there - living here under Uncle James' hostel made me realize how thankful I should be of the people I have in my life and I am. I truly am. I'm so happy to have met the people I met here in Malaysia, and I can't wait to explore life more and more. It's just one of those things that makes you so damn grateful to be alive, you know?

Classes are going well at Taylor's. My coursemates are pretty awesome, and so are the lecturers. Don't forget the subject as well. There's not much I can say about college right now ( not because there isn't anything to say but more because there's simply too much :p ) - but I know that I made the right choice coming here, and Foundation in Communication is a great choice for me. I'm just so excited to learn more and more and more everyday. :)

Things lately? There have been a bunch of things happening lately in my life. I feel really bad for not posting as much as I could here, but honestly my time management just needs a whole lot of fixing. Being in a foreign country on my own sure gets me going and inspired every now and then. And I'm more than glad to be here. Things might not always go the way you plan them to be, but just take a look around - they fall right where they're supposed to be. :)

have a good rest of the week, fellas. hoping to post more stuff a.s.a.p.

infinite x's and o's,
Sheany

Thank you, my love.

2011-09-06T11:02:00.000-07:00

Dear Erika, it’s 1.51am in the morning right now. It’s the 7^thof September today.

And I can’t wait to write this because I know I wanted towrite it the moment I flip through your present, it’s simply one of the mostbeautiful present I’ve ever gotten, and I’m grateful for it. And of course, foryou. J

The things you wrote were remarkable and touching, and Ifeel like crying now just thinking about it. Now your “Forever Young” book issitting nicely on my bedside table, ready to be opened whenever I miss you.

Thank you for the gift.

Thank you for being such an amazing friend.

Thank you for all the things you wrote.

Thank you for your support.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Friendship means the world to me, and I love what we have –because I know it’s hard to get what we have here with our little group --- andI just love you all to the very core. I am very grateful to have entered Esmodbecause that’s where I met the five of you. You put the very first picture weever took together, and yeah, things have changed since then. It scares me tobe so faraway, and I’m scared of me changing as well – but I hope if I do haveto change, it will only be for the good. And I do hope with all my heart thatour friendship will only get stronger, with more and more and more love. J ( that’s too much,right. :p )

Sometimes I’m still scared of the path I chose. But it’syour support and also the others’ that makes me feel like I’m really doing theright thing. Sometimes it’s hard to listen to your heart, you know. You justneed your loved ones to whisper what’s in your heart to you. And I’m gratefulto have you as one of my very loved ones. <3 It’s hard adapting to a newplace, but I’m glad I have people like you around me who I can count on. And Iknow you’ll always be there for me, and I hope you know I will always, alwaysbe there for you.

I know this is not much. There’s nothing I can say excepthow thankful I am to have a friend like you. I hope you know I love you sooomuch <3.

Thank you darling.

Te Amo.

Infinite X’s and O’s,

Sheany

2011-09-04T04:52:00.000-07:00

hey everyone, I'm officially back in KL.
The weather's hot as crazy, and although I miss my home and family already, it's good to be back.

on the plane ride to KL, a small family sat on the seats behind mine. I knew there were some kids sitting behind me, and I've always hated sitting in front of kids because they tend to be super duper annoying and noisy, but not this time.
a few minutes before we land, as the plane got nearer and nearer to the ground, he opened his side window and was amazed by how close the plane was to the ground, and how spectacular the view was.
I was able to listen because it was audible, obviouslyyy.
during the plane's landing, as the plane's just about to descend, the kid started to go "UWEEEE" and he goes on until the plane touches the ground successfully. and then he goes, "Alhamdullilah", which basically means "thank goodness" ( as far as I'm concern ).

I found myself smiling just listening to his childlike voice and wonder that's still so thick within his wondrous character.

It's quite refreshing, and absolutely fantastic, to encounter such a simple event, that's probably nothing to the eyes of many people, but yet it filled me with so much love and warmth for a second there. and it made my day somewhat.
I see young kids today are so spoiled with technology, their new gadgets and games, and they forget about the rest of the world that's actually right in front of them. They forget to be grateful. Well, I know they are kids and they'll learn about this whole thing called gratitude anyway, but... well I hope you get what I mean.

There's just a lot to say about a kid who's like that boy I met on the plane. He's adorable. I hope he grows up to be a good man, and so will his brother - and may both of them make their parents proud and happy. :)

I know I'm so weird sometimes, I just can't help it.
I love to capture the little things and put them into words, and I always feel so damn lucky when I encounter these little things. So I'd like to share it here, too. :)

Classes are starting tomorrow. Next week is packed for me, it's going to busy and exciting at the same time. I'm having the time of my life, and my goal is to enjoy every moment of it. :)

That's that, folks.
I'll update more as soon as I finish my assigments!

Ciao.

here's a thought...

2011-09-01T03:51:00.000-07:00

of all the fashion style in the world, I think the one I least like would be Japanese. It doesn't mean it's bad, but the eccentricity of it all just doesn't suit me well enough. But there's one thing about the Japanese fashionista that makes me go WOW, it's the fact that they actually have a "style" and they're not afraid to stick to it, you know?
when I think about my own country, I feel like we don't exactly have a style.
oh wait, yes we do.
we're under the 'bitches', the 'old ladies', the 'trying-too-hard-babes' and so on.
isn't that just pathetic?
this is just my opinion so feel free to bombard me with your negative responses.
we need to be freaking stylish with our own styles, women.
I think we take too much from the Western Civilization, even fashion.
Well it's not like it's a bad thing, it's just... too much from time to time.
HA.

Demi Lovato for Elle September 2011 Issue

2011-08-28T22:41:00.000-07:00

you can't always trust what other people say, especially on the internet.
of course, the sentence above sounds like a total "DUH" one, but it's hard to actually apply them in reality. theories are always much easier being said than done.
anyways. I've always loved Demi Lovato, her adorable sense of humor, her beauty and her music. When she disappeared for a while, I had no idea why, where, what and stuff like that. I seem to get the idea that she got depressed after breaking up with Joe Jonas.
Well let's just say I've been absolutely wrong.

With her comeback, new upcoming album and "Skyscraper", she's ready to blow people's mind from across the globe. I am just in love with this honest and open girl, and I know that what she's doing right now is changing people's lives and inspiring people from all ages.
So I'm just super duper excited for her new album, which she said is going to be released sooner than everyone might expects it to.
I'm ready for a Demi Lovato showdown! :p

The Story :

No matter what problems she’s faced in the past, Demi Lovato is trying hard to face them honestly and not lay the blame where it doesn’t belong.
Lovato, 19, spoke to Elle magazine about her recent troubles and fesses up to her once terrible ‘tude.

“I was completely out of line all summer,” she says. “Just the worst attitude—totally ungrateful.”

As tempting as it may be for the “Skyscraper” singer to blame stress of the Camp Rock 2 tour with her ex Joe Jonas, and his girlfriend-at-the-time Ashley Greene, she says the issues were much deeper than that.

“I wouldn’t credit my meltdown to a guy. There was so much other stuff in my life.”

Lovato has spoken in the past about the taunting and bullying she endured in school and it was so bad for her, it led to her cutting herself and eventually, being home schooled by her mother. She says that to this day, she doesn’t know what led the mean girls to ridicule her so badly.

“Those girls never gave me an explanation for why they were bullying me,” she says. “One of the words they called me was fat. At that age, you think, Oh, so I don’t have friends because I’m fat.”

Lovato is moving past and through her music, she’s able to mature and blossom.

“What was always markedly different about her was that adult quality,” says Disney Studios chairman Rich Ross. “When you meet her, you know this isn’t a girl in stiletto heels—this is a woman.”

Lea Michele for Harper's Bazaar

2011-08-28T22:30:00.000-07:00

you go ahead and tell me you don't like Lea Michele, I think there's something very wrong with you. She's such a natural beauty and an amazing talent, and I believe her to be a wonderful person as well. Glee and Rachel Berry has changed people's life, inspires and also brings joy to many people, so I figure her success in the business is just something we've all been waiting for. She's looks stunning in her cover spread for Harper's Bazaar!

THE INTERVIEW :

Lea Michele In Bloom

The Glee star is just as overachieving in real life as her character - and she's got no plans to stop. Check out the interview and exclusive video below. Plus, see the images from her cover shoot here.

By Marshall Heyman

When Lea Michele shows up at Le Pain Quotidien, near her apartment in New York’s West Village — she’s addicted to her PQ, as she calls it — she is wearing a pair of standard-issue Hollywood-star sunglasses, and she slips into a quiet corner table, looking around to be sure she hasn’t been recognized.

She seems conscious that 1) she’s famous and 2) she’s gotten the occasional bad rap for some supposed prima-donna-like behavior. Even when she asks for a warmer cup of coffee, she’s careful to appear overly apologetic. “I’m so sorry. Is that okay? Thank you so much,” she gushes. It’s hard to disguise the fact, however, that ever since she auditioned for Les Misérables at the age of eight or first saw Funny Girl at 10 and recognized herself in Fanny Brice, Lea has worn her ambition on her sleeve.
After she graduates from Glee at the end of this season — as her character, Rachel Berry, finishes senior year — she’s got no plans to take a break. “I don’t stop,” Lea says. “It’s my nature. People have to tell me to slow down. I plan on playing every role on Broadway. I want to do Evita. I want to do Sweeney Todd with [Glee costar] Chris Colfer. We want to do Wicked. I’ll be Elphaba and he wants to play ‘Guy-linda.’ I want to do movies, make music. Glee is only the beginning.”

Unlike many of her peers, who ascended via the Disney Channel or YouTube, Lea, 25, the only child of a former nurse and a deli owner in real estate, the old-fashioned way: First she conquered the Great White Way, then she landed the TV show, and now she’ll be on the big screen in Glee Live! 3D!
After that preteen stint in Les Miz, this is how Lea’s A Star Is Born story goes: At 19, with a role in the rock musical Spring Awakening, she and her costars became the toast of New York. (“I didn’t get a [Tony] nomination like the boys did, which was a big learning experience for me,” she says, still disappointed.) Glee creator Ryan Murphy, whom she now calls Mama Murphy and consults on her red-carpet looks, came to check it out and asked her to meet about Glee. On the way to her audition in Los Angeles, she had a car accident that even she refers to, unironically, as “famous.” “I was literally pulling glass out of my hair in the bathroom before I went in.”

Dianna Agron for Cosmopolitan September 2011 Issue

2011-08-28T22:00:00.000-07:00

I've always loved Dianna Agron. I think her beauty glows and that she's more than just a pretty face. Although you can never tell with celebrities, I just wanna say that she's looking gorgeous in this September issue of Cosmopolitan Magazine. Loving her short hair, it kinda makes me wanna cut mine! But maybe it won't suit me as well as it suits Dianna Agron.

Kristen Stewart for W Magazine September 2011 Issue

2011-08-28T21:50:00.000-07:00

By Lynn Hirschberg
Photographs by Mert Alas & Marcus Piggott
Styled by Edward Enninful

the cover is titled "Woman on the Verge", and I feel the tension of that title being instantly placed on the strong, beautiful pictures of Kristen Stewart. She's looking absolutely flawless.

The Interview :

Lynn Hirschberg: Everyone knows you as Bella Swan, the heroine of the Twilight series, whose penultimate installment, Breaking Dawn Part 1, premieres on November 18. What audiences may not know is that you’ve been acting since you were a child. How did you get your start?
Kristen Stewart: It’s weird, because I would be the last person in my school to be in plays, but I was forced to sing a song in a school thing. I sang a dreidl song, which is funny for me. I’ve never celebrated Hanukkah—it wasn’t in my upbringing, but it was one of those deals where everybody has to pick a song or participate somehow in the chorus. It wasn’t the normal dreidl song; I can’t really remember the words, but it was a more serious dreidl song. The dreidl was huge, it was really honored. And that’s how I met my agent, who was in the audience. I was eight. I was nine when I did my first movie, The Safety of Objects.

Did you do any commercials, or did you go straight into films?
I did two commercials, one for Porsche, but I was definitely not the type of child one would cast in a commercial or any TV that you’d typically go out for as a young kid. I wasn’t the type of kid who would be in stuff that kids watch. I wasn’t cutesy.

In 1999 David Fincher cast you as Jodie Foster’s daughter in Panic Room. He likes to do dozens of takes for each scene. Was that difficult, as a child?
I didn’t realize that 80 takes wasn’t normal. But it’s funny: Some of my proudest moments from film sets are in Panic Room. My character had seizures. Just being able to say, I was 10 years old and I broke all the blood vessels in my eye on that take, is cool. It was fun.

You had a tomboy quality, which was unusual.
I have brothers, and that so-called boyish quality was something that I was deathly self-conscious about when I was younger. I was, like, No, I’m a girl. Actually, I’m still embarrassed to say that.

But it sets you apart from other young actresses. And it made you more interesting.
I don’t really know what to say. I just knew I wanted to work. And I did. I was working when I read the script for Twilight. I read the script before I read the book. I actually did the audition before reading the book, which was kind of crazy. Obviously, I tore all four books apart over the course of three years, but initially I had no idea that Twilight was such a big deal.

Did you have a particular interest in vampires? All young girls like vampires.
I fucking love me a vampire [Laughs]. I was 17 when I read Twilight, and at the time it was so perfect for me. The script was about young kids who think they can handle stuff that they just can’t. And they’re going to do it anyway. Because, why not? Just torture yourself. I relate to that. Vampires are a little dangerous—and we girls like to test ourselves.

back in Jakarta for Raya break!

2011-08-27T07:00:00.000-07:00

hello, people!
sorry for the lack of posts, I've been really busy with... well, stuff.
but now I'm back in Jakarta, with tons of assignments to be finished before Raya Break ends but no worries, I'm going to enjoy every bit moment I have here in my sweet home.
It's only been a few hours but I'm already having such a blast.
and here's a quote to get me started with updating this blog!

"Laugh when you can, apologize when you should, and let go of what you can't change. Kiss slowly, play hard, forgive quickly, take chances, give everything and have no regrets. Life's too short to be anything but happy."

"If he's the right guy he won't leave" - REALLY?

2011-08-21T04:24:00.000-07:00

lately, scrolling through tumblr has been more than just a series of endless reblogs, it's been a teaser to the brain as well.
I've come across this picture above minutes ago, and all I can do is just sit there in front of my laptop, mouth open, eyes rolled in annoyance.
Seriously?
The worst part isn't just the picture itself, but the fact that there are over 7,000 people reblogging it.
ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?

If what it takes for a guy to be right is for him to stay, then congratulations - you've got yourself a pet.
I don't know if it's me or the rest of that 7,000+ people out there that's completely out of our(their) minds but that is just dumb.

Okay. I know it's nice to have someone who stays and don't leave. But do you realize what you're asking there? No wonder there's so many depressed girls out there - the mentality is just absurd.
I'm not trying to mock people or judge or anything, but give yourself a little break and strain yourself OUT of these madness.

If what you're looking for is a boyfriend, then find a good guy and date him.
If what you're looking for is a husband, the same I said above can be said here.
If what you're looking for is someone who merely stays, you can go to a pet store and perhaps adopt an adorable dog/cat/monkey/bird/etc - you pick.

NEWS FLASH : no one stays.
It's impossible for a person to stay by your side forever, and if you're blessed with one --- lucky you. I envy you, then.
But for the rest of us mortals out there, stop asking for too much.
Sometimes you don't realize how lucky and blessed you are, and you end up having nothing.
Why is that?
You can't blame the world, if you're the one who initiates the problem.
It does suck to get your heart broken again and again, but it's not a crime.
It's just what you call "life". An experience of a lifetime.
When you finally meet the man of your dreams, he will stay. But perhaps he will leave.
But he'll come back, and you need not worry.

Girls, stop being so pathetic.
You have so much more to look out for than just boys and being in a relationship.
Yes, life is simply a million times better when you have a boyfriend, but what good is it to date someone who's not good enough for you? We make that mistake all the time, in the illusion of happiness of having someone to hold hands and make out with.
If he's the right guy, you'll know - and the rest will fall into place. If you just believe.

xx

Mackenzie Drazan by Thom Kerr for Fashion Gone Rogue

2011-08-21T03:57:00.000-07:00

I think Fashion Gone Rogue has one of the best editorials I've ever seen, I wonder what it will be like if the people behind this amazing website will get on to the publishing world. Or maybe they have? I need to do my research.
Anyway. Here is Mackenzie Drazan as the Joan of Art.
A photoshoot in the woods has certainly never been better. I absolutely loved the fairytale vibe within the pictures and also the captured innocently daring beauty of Mackenzie Drazan that's enchanting and haunting at the same time.
The angles of the shots, for me, are absolutely brilliant and well thought of, and I fell in love with this editorial in an instant.
I love the style too, Denise Gomez did a great job in creating the "Joan of Art" look within the environment and also the magnificent beauty Drazan has.
Great choice of model, photographer, and stylist.
Bravo!

( my favorite shot. BRILLIANT, simply brilliant. )

Anne Hathaway by Mert & Marcus for Interview September 2011

2011-08-21T03:50:00.000-07:00

Anne Hathaway. oh how I adore this beautiful and talented woman. I can't wait to watch her and Jim Sturgess in "One Day", I really need to start reading the book too.
This is an absolutely beautiful editorial. "Interview" magazine has finally captured my attention. I know it's been up there for a while now, but I've never really taken a second glance at it except while I'm browsing. This editorial definitely showed a beauty in the side of darkness, a peril in the beauty of a fantastic woman and I absolutely love Anne Hathaway's meaningful expression in the shots.
Fabulous.